Don't kick me while I'm down, because when I get up, you're SCREWED!
Tiredness
Looking up into the adjacent wall, squiggled in circles, blue coloured, I wonder why QUT doesn’t have flash computer labs similar to those down here at Griffith uni on the gold coast. Yes, I’m down here in the middle of what is supposed to be my uni holiday period, No; I’m not a very keen student whom has nothing better to do than study. I’m down here waiting for the missus to complete a supplementary exam, her second one in fact and because I’m sick of trying to sleep in the Integra (yes, I’ve tried many times and failed the same amount) I’m here. There are quite a number of students in here at the moment and in comparison to my normal uni proceedings, it seems that students down here seem keener than those back in Brisbane, well compared to QUT anyway.
Holidays so far have been, well, any other word which describes the opposite. Work has filled the week (when has it not) gym has proceeded it, and sleep (most of the time) proceeds that. When the week ends for most people, mine starts, with a sleepless Friday night finishing on a high on caffeine, mindless, physically drained one on Sunday afternoon. Mondays, my day off, are spent recovering, for the next weekend to come. Life becomes pretty dull. As my girlfriend would describe, I’m not the most enjoyable person in the world to be with when I’m tired and I seem to hear her complain so often of it these days that it seems that I’m tired all the time; maybe I should just stop being a grumpy bastard!
But work, to be honest, has been draining to say the least. I’ve been wrecked. At times I feel that it affects my gym-ing however each workout drives me a little further, knowing that my mind is still strong enough to keep me standing and powering through each session. My weight is at a steady 96, up to 98 on days and down to 95 on others. It seems as though I’ve reached plateau for the past couple of months but hopefully my perseverance will keep me growing in the coming year.
It is again that time of year... again. Christmas, which lasts for a few days and New Years, for another couple? We have definitely smashed through this year. I swear it was really only just a few months ago that I was describing the previous year last year. To sum up this year in one word, I would probably use disappointment. It really wasn’t the best year I’ve had but in nearly finishing it, it has made me realise that even through so much disappointment, I’ve never in my life learnt so much about myself and people in general and with so much personal growth, I have never been more happy.
I always knew that the world was not an easy-go place where you could have everything at your fingertips. This year absolutely proved that. With so much work and effort in all aspects of life (and even some more), not much really went the way I hoped them to. I worked so hard to save money and pay off my debts but I’ve ended with a slightly chipped at personal loan and a credit card debt which nearly equals my personal one. I’ve worked so hard in ‘maintaining’ relationships this year, the ones that I described last year as ones that would never expire that I’ve become tired from rejection and one way love. I become a little sad when I think about all that went wrong this year, a little disappointed but despite this, I don’t regret one single thing that happened!
Without the huge ass debt I got myself into this year, the amounts of money I spent, I wouldn’t have been able to open my mind and soul to all that I missed out on being exclusive and shallow minded; happy being where I was. I was able to tingle my senses with foods I had never tasted before, smells I had never smelt before, and experienced what Brisbane really had to offer, as well as the world outside of it. To say I wouldn’t do it all over again would be a lie. Money can be made, time cannot.
Where one person would say cherish all you have and your memories which are bound to them (in fact, I was one of them), today, I would say fuck it. Well, maybe not but have that choice to do so. Too long was I bound to memories which shaped me that I forgot who I was. Even though I seem stuck at the moment, participating in a routine life that I’m slightly unhappy about, I am no longer grounded by memories which had made me happy. There is no more (little) sense of living in the past. I’ve learnt one very important phrase this year and that is;
“I don’t regret the people I’ve been with, just the time I wasted which could have been spent with those that actually matter”
Maybe disappointment isn’t such a great word to describe this year. Accepting might be a better word, one that describes that even though things happen, they happen for a reason, you can’t help that!
