nothing special

I finally reached it, 77 posts; more posts than last year.

And yes, this post counts, even though I cheated,

I make the rules....

Man, I love my little rottie so muuuuuccch!!

I couldn't imagine a day without her to be real honest. She's the only thing in the world that makes me happy on the days when life feels more dreadful than usual.

If only everyone could love like a dog loves their master, I reckon the world would be a much much better place.

So I've sorted out the majority of things which needed to be done this year to have any attempt at making this coming year a more pleasant one. One thing I did learn today were that if everyone were as nice to me as the lady at Centrelink was, I'd probably be a lot less miserable.

I've actually never mentioned being on the benefit have I, but if you didn't know by now that I'm a hole in the wallet, poorer than grubby finger nails then you have no idea. I very much appreciate what the government does for the under privileged and I can definitely hear whispers saying that they aren't so much under privileged, just lazy.

I agree and agree to disagree considering my own situation and how much even a couple of bucks a fortnight can help. If it weren't for the benefit, I really doubt we would be anywhere near how fortunate we are now, I mean, that's what gets the bills paid when you can't. But I do very well agree to those who believe that our taxes are used to pay those who have both arms and legs to move them off their lazy arses to find work but refuse to.

I'm not so much angry but I do believe it's unfair to those who work hard and spend little to barely survive even with government assistance. Maybe I should just be a doll bludger, makes life a little easier hey.

Stuff that, I couldn't imagine getting something for nothing. For every dollar I receive from Centrelink, you can be sure that I will return it in the near future when I turn into that successful Pharmacist the country helped create. Don't worry mum, I'll help you too!

Sometimes I hate preparing for the worst.

I'm always dissapointed; in a good way.

Today is the 28th and in a few days it's going to be 20-10. I can't believe that this year has gone by so fast! I mean, I only just remember sitting there by my lonesome self watching the fireworks end 2008 on the tube.

I've always believed that with every new year came new challenges and opportunities but both these came to those who are willing to look for them. I've found that for some reason, every-time the new year came round, it was much easier to forget the little things that bugged me during the year and to hypothetically turn a new leaf, start fresh. But as much as I ponder and linger to think of the new things I'll do differently this year, I'm actually contemplating whether I should even think about them, considering how this year turned out.

Reading last years new year 'resolution' has got me a little disappointed knowing that pretty much all of what I said I'd do differently this year, went the exact same way. Laziness was my number 1 habit to lose however I don't think I've ever been more lazy.

I can definitely attribute most of my 'uncompleted' (failed seems such a harsh word) tasks to laziness. I promised to quit security, reduce the hours at the sixer and find another job in which paid more and was more enjoyable; which never happened. Being lazy probably got me to end the year with the lowest GPA I've ever had with my first 'fail' in a subject. And being lazy has definitely put a toll on my health; I can't even remember the last time I gymed.

I know that sitting here and thinking about all the things I can improve on from last year would probably make this post near endless, but an episode of scrubs reminded me that sometimes you have to give yourself a break (I actually do wish someone would say that to me sometimes though). Yes I was lazy, and yes this year has probably been one where life didn't progress too much forward, but in the end, I guess there is a difference between acknowledgment and changing and being just sad about it.

I really am not sure if I will change this year but I do know for a fact that I will try harder. Lets welcome 20-10 with our arms wide open!!!!!!

So it's nearly another year past and even though it surely doesn't feel like it, holidays seem to be much closer to an end then ever. The BBQ last sunday felt like a success with most things going by without much of a hassle (the rain sort of broke my heart for a little while but the rummies and beams I had with the boys took all that pain away).

The cow was beautiful but the company I'ld have to admit, determines how any night will turn out. You'll still hear me talk about how grateful I am to still have a good bunch of mates who congregate every couple of times a year to tell lies and listen to them, but why not? It's good how everyone just gets along ay, even though half of them have only heard stories of the other half. Ray got onto me for not 'officially' introducing him to a few of the guys but having met everyone at least more than once before, most of our stories have been shared.

We have a couple of additions this year but with it, a few did leave but that's just life though hey? I think I've actually grown up a little to understand that not all good things in life can and will last forever. You have to hold onto what is left and just let it go when it leaves.

I've been thinking a little less than usual this past week or so and it's probably got to do with how drunk blind I was Sunday night and the intense hangover endured the next day. Now that my head is a little more rested I feel as though I should be thinking about things, I feel weird not though. Maybe I need it? I feel that sometimes I'm too stressed out about things I over analyzed about which is pretty much everything. I've made a plan to stop thinking until the new year starts; a decent enough break I hope.

We'll see how it goes. Hoping for happy holidays all round, I'll come back to update on this no thinking thing probably sooner than later. Take it easyyyy.

So yes, I have been a little stressed out the past couple of weeks with little things here and there compounding to my already long list of worries but none the less, most of them have resolved (considering the majority of them involved the organizing of an end of year BBQ b'day bash for Martin and Phuccie).

I absolutely hate organizing things these days and I really do wonder why I enjoyed it so much when I was younger. I'll probably feel a little more relieved though knowing that tomorrow even though might not turn out in the best possible way; will definitely be better than having organized nothing at all.

We've got a baby cow going on the roaster at around 3, mums salads and springs rolls along with cooked prawns and oysters scattered around somewhere abouts and guests will hopefully start turning up around 4.

I can't wait for it to start hey,,,,,

My to do for tomorrow:
1. Get 5 bags of coal
2. Bring out tables to the backyard
3. Set up some beats
4. Set up some lights
5. Gather the chairs
6. Drink heaps
7. Eat heaps
8. Get blind

just an excerpt from an e-mail i sent to a mate down in adelaide;

With holidays here you’d think that we’d be doing a fair bit of fishing ay, but it seems that everyone’s more caught up with work now that uni is over; it seems the same to me though considering how much I actually did go to uni.

Marks for us came out yesterday and I passed which I’m pretty stoked about ay. Was stressing hard about it especially when I crammed the whole semester in a couple of nights (don’t we all though ay). Probably have to go see the unit coordinator though to beg and plead him to let us do the extra subjects I need, next year instead of prolonging my course for another one.

I haven’t seen much of anyone else since holidays started ay. I fished with phuccie a fair bit down the coast that first week but other than catching small flatties and breambos, nothing much. Phuccies back on his drought after that good session he had that time you came down with us. He’s been a sook lately though and an unlucky bastard at that too. I got a call from him one Sunday arvo (which was a blood stinker mind you) saying that his baby Ferrari had died and that he was in the middle of the road between tackle warehouse and the city waiting for the towie to come. He had turned the air con on and she died at the lights turning right; got the guy behind him to help push (man, sounds a bit familiar hey). Ended up being his distributor but it doesn’t end there hey. We hit a few new spots on the brissie river that night with Quangie and Bondy and after Phuccie lost his lure by noob casting onto a bridge, he lost the tip of his T-curve when the cunt closed my door on it.

He was fucking pissed hey man! It was sooo funny ay, I made it soo much worst though ay. He didn’t say anything again after replying to my ‘why did you close the door on it for?’ with a ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN”. Bro, it was gold man but I feel sorry for the bastard ay. Before we got into the car as well, I asked the cunt if he wanted to put his gear into the boot but he said nah, he’ll take it into the car and then do a superman and jump out when he gets home….fucking hilarious man.

After dropping him off we hit the west end bbc sheds after catching a few livies. A good half or so with no action Bondys rod bends like my rod bent after hitting that threadie off of Sydney street. Not long after, Quangie was on and then my rod started to pull drag! All three of us on live prawns were onto something massive or so we thought anyways. Holding my rod, and a landing net, Quangie pulled the cunt in with his massive shark gear with ease. To our surprise it was a STONKER, catty, definitely worthy of a BRC competitor. As I huffed and puffed with my rod, Quangie ran back down to help out bondy whom was still on with the fight, only to find that it too was a massive catfish and I myself, ashamed, hooked one too. Photos on bondys page does not do the fish justice; they measured 60+ and we actually kept them.

We headed over to a spot down further where only a few nights before I got hit with the biggest jewie I’ve ever seen in the river. A tap tap on my first cast with the natural banana prawn, it ran and I set the hook. My drag set on light; mind you my new rod is no more than a 3 kilo breambo combo with a 3000 shimano on it, it surfaced. The cunt was fucking huge! Quangie and Bondy can vouch as well being at ‘least’ legal. But much like the threadies when they see more shallow waters, the bastard dove and ran and there went my line. After I hooked a live mullet on Bondys rod, he caught the same cunt again and ended with the same story.

So in went the banana prawn again in natural with my normal 1/8 jiggo, my line went slack and for a second I was about to tighten until the rod bent over. Bondy has a vid of me fighting the bastard which ended up being a 58cm jewie; calling the thing ‘fat’ was underestimating it but instead of keeping her for a feed, I let her go to fight another day (sounds familiar hey?) The night started to slow until we noticed that our live prawns were getting smashed; the heads were getting chomped off every one we would throw down. Decreasing our gear to smaller hooks and sinkers, we found that they were breambo when Quangie landed two decent 27+ brembos; not bad for the Brisbane river.
The night was getting quiet and I was getting tired but the boys seemed so keen with Bondy catching catfish all night, I decided to pack up and watch them.

Quangie being quangie began to fillet the catties and use them as bait. After throwing a few fish carcasses down the river and throwing his filleted catfish bait out, unexpected, his rod shoots from vertical to just past horizontal with the drag as light as shit as well. After the couple of seconds or so with something massive on its end, the metal trace gave way and we were shocked to think it was most likely a shark. Nearly losing a second rod, Quangie caught bondys rod mid air and it ended the same way; metal trace gone and main line frayed.

Quangie set up again and within seconds of throwing out his bait, he landed a 48cm cod which made me jealous as shit; it was beautiful man. That ended the night.

man, i need a new job hey

A few recent fishing photos

officially on holidays (started a week ago)
officially finished uni for the year (started a week ago)

officially sick of work (started a year ago, but finally realized that i need something better to do)

first bird that gets the morning worm,
but the second mouse that gets the cheese.

get rid of the baggage. i'll try and get down a few lectures before coming back here.

- stop facebooking
- stop watching tv
- stop looking at fishing gear
- stop checking hotmail

-start focusing!

Now that that is out of the way, I can actually talk about how life is in a more positive view. Damn, I never actually thought venting like that would make me feel so much better.~~~

So life is kind of slow at the moment. University exams are finally here and while we have been in SWATVAC for what seems like so long, I've only just realized that it's nearly over and have no progress into studying whatsoever. Pharmacogenomics is apparently the first exam I have on the 6th and although all semester it has been a kind of do and guess type of subject, the final seems to be quite straight forward. Study the 5 lectures he's given us and pass.

I actually did hit the books last night and smashed down 2 lectures, very briefly. I skimmed over therapeutics the other night and all i can say is that in the week coming up to that exam, it will be nothing short of hectic......(too hungry and tired to continue).....

so i am here to chuck a sook about all the little stupid things that have made my day just that little bit worst....

1. mum never picking up the bloody home fone.

2. stupid people stealing the hot water i boiled to eat the last mi goreng i was intending to eat.

3. stupid people

4. people who use the 'internets' or 'apparent reliable sources' to show how smart they are to the dumbest things

5. people with no common sense

6. people who complain about things they can change but can't be arsed to do anything about. (yes i hate myself).

7. mummas boys

8. people who don't appreciate advice (at least respect it if you ask for it)

9. people who can't take 'conservative' criticism

10. have i said stupid people yet?

Taurine + Ginseng + B Vitamins + Guarana =


hopefully a finished assignment and some more......

hey, who is this your probably thinking, or not,.... but yes, it actually is me. back from resurrection and although life seems to be a little boring at the moment, i've still got a bit to express, haven't i always though ay?

my new flame of passion for fishing has been lit and burning ever so brightly for the past couple of months. other than the countless amounts of catties our little brissie river often provides us, we've managed to learn it's little secret and unlock the many mysteries of the once so hated. able to catch my first ever jewie just a few months back with the help of an old mate quang, and landing a few monsters since then, what i've learnt has definitely guaranteed that i'll catch fish when i'm 90.

apparently i've considered myself a 'tamer' of the brisbane river now that i've caught it's biggest secret the threadfin salmon and yeah yeah, i know, you've all done it before but it's definitely something i'll never forget in a hurry. not only did the 90 or so centimeter make a satisfied feed for more than a few people, in catching it, it's taught me so much more about the way i've been living and so much more about how i should change it.

my second brain is always reminding me that if i put even a little percentage of the effort i do on fishing, i'ld probably be somewhere by now. not to mention the hard work i do to actually enjoy my fishing; working for some spare money between two jobs, there's the dragging of an 18 ft or so cast net out to the waters edge and throwing it a couple of dozen times to find a prawn in each one. theres also the late nights and the freezing cold as well the loss of morale on days when it's dead slow...

no doubt, i've realized that without the work there can be no real success but motivation to keep going is usually lost when it comes to things like studying for me. i question many times whether i'm creating the right path for myself and still can't figure out what else that appeals to me more than fishing. how much it hurt to loose my first thready on somewhat piss weak gear and comparable experience. gaining from this experience, i learnt that another thing lost is another thing gained and from a week of forum scouting to upgrading the gear, and between the efforts of throwing the same lure over and over again at the same spot and finally landing the bastard, i had caught my first thready. i was actually happy for once knowing that from all my efforts, i had gained something.

------->
these days, it all seems to be too much work for not much play. 30+ hours a week to pay off a few bills and save up for future bills just really doesn't seem worth it. mum reckons the work i do is consuming me, but even though i know she understands that i do it for her and the little sister, i don't think she knows that i have to do it. i sometimes hate being 'the guy that works so hard' especially when people start getting it confused with 'the guy that works so much'. i hate putting so much time and effort into surviving where efforts of barely scraping is usually the result.

two jobs to 'just' get me by. one which covers my clothes drenched in what only bleach can remove and the other, well pretty much the same. i hate being the one that does so much sacrificing both physically and emotionally and have no acknowledgment of appreciation; it sure as sh*t does feel that way though. its just so hard to stay positive when you put so much effort in filling a bucket with soo many holes. i'm doing it though, barely.

as lonely as the single gold fish left in the large dark waters of my fish tank, i am without doubt too similar. must i actually find those who really do love me for who i am, or will they come to me?

i hate loving too much for those who matter, am i an idiot?

he likes being sad...