...people lined the platforms side by side, shoulder to shoulder and filled the smokey air with noises of laughter and voices combining with the sounds of machines just about to start. the computer generated voice over the intercom buzzing, 'the train will be ready to board in 2 minutes' created an immediate panic from all people around. showbags and toys of all sorts gathered and held as people stood up to have some standing chance of a seat on the train.
myself, i was the maniac whom had forgotten all else but to hold on to the amounts of soft plushies i had won and to run for dear life in hope to not miss the train. hearing the computer lady though gave me a feeling comparable to starting a busting piss, relief. as maniac calmed to just being sane i caught a glimpse of what i thought was only fantasy.
her long black hair; similar, her recognizable figure; similar, that top i remember her wearing, all similar, but uncertain with her back towards me. all day she had been on my mind, every second of every minute and every minute of every hour which never really felt much to me but in an instant of insanity she was there, probably, most likely. uncertainty lead to false hopes all day thinking that i'ld bump into her on one of the busiest days of the year, i probably had a better shot at lotto.
but this time it felt different. i had seen her alot at school and whenever i did i shat butterflies. i felt butterflies fluttering inside me and once i noticed it, she was the only other thing i paid attention to. time seemed to slow, slow enough for me to run up and touch her hair and then run back. no noise now was heard other than a repetitive duff duff from underneath me which got louder as the seconds past by...
So in an attempt to get things started, i went through a few of my old lists to find that i had never crossed out clean out the sunroom. it was mainly because i wanted to turn it into a study but because everyones got a room for themselves it wasn't really something anyone 'needed'.
i got the idea from phuccie when he said he would put in a jar a list of things he wanted to buy and in another jar a few bucks every week and would only buy what he could afford on the list with the money he had saved. my jar contains to do things which can be recycled to help occupy myself during times of 'free time'. things from do an hour of study to calling a friend for a chat and one off things such as paint the car can be picked. alright, it was something i did when i should of been studying, hopefully it helps.
molo and i hit up the brissie river in hope for a catch of a school jew for the table but instead hooked this 5 of so kilo ray which dragged me half way across the park to land him. he tasted awesome in a vietnamese vermicilli wrap. (take only what you need).
i sorted out my finances as i was so confused as to where all my money went. hopefully the pig, oversized diet coke can and random tin can will help hold my monies.
la la la la, that is when i, ruled the world.
i've been in a real strange mood these past couple of days i'ld have to admit. i think it's mostly got to do with finding out that i'm turning into an old bastard. i had a good old mate of mine give me an invitation to his 21st a couple of weeks back and only just realized that i wasn't able to take work off for it. to compensate, i flicked through a few of my old photo albums to put something together for him; to remember of the good old days.
pictures of the much younger ly, no facial hair (still as handsome though i'ld have to add) reminded me of memories i'ld give anything to re-live. asking the kind lady at the tuckshop for an icy-pole that cost 20 cents and a bottle of cola for a dollar was probably the first thing that i had thought of. change no doubt is inevitable and i just couldn't imagine how it'd be today knowing that that icy-pole probably costs a dollar and cola bought out by coke now, was probably banned due to the newly discovered health implications it caused to young kids.
why i have never agreed so much with the phrase 'ignorance is bliss'. i reckon the best thing about being a kid is ignorance; you just never have to really worry about anything because you don't know any better. flicking through the photos and finding the ones of the trip to Vietnam when we were yay high reminded me of just how it felt being around family. with grandma sailing away into the horizon, if i were to regret something in my life, it would be that i never got to say good bye to her; i really wonder how i would of felt if it were only a few years back.
i've been reminiscing a little with a few of the guys lately which is probably a reason for this little change in ly. story telling of the many little stories of my happenings seems to entertain the few that listen but like i told them, it's not about the story which makes it entertaining, it's how you tell it. knowing that i'ld probably be able to write a book with all the stories i've got (and exaggerated, made up), it also struck a thought that maybe being older gives me more opportunity to find more stories to tell. taking from the books of phuccie; even a holiday without a story isn't really a holiday we reckon.
on finishing the little project for my mate, i decided that it was time to get back on track. i sorted out my finances and hopefully this sudden motivation will help me restart the path to completing that life list i always talk of,.......the reason for this thing.
it's great to wake up to the little rays of morning sunlight which burns the little hairs on your face. today i was actually looking forward to doing nothing. mind you, i prepared for my monday lecture by sleeping early and printing out notes until i found out that there was no lecture on.
instead of stumbling around like usual, my head felt clear and refreshed; the 8 or so hours of sleep seemed sufficient (even though 8 seems a little bit too much for my liking). i grabbed a feed and decided to educate my cultural side by watching a few movies molo had lent me.
after finishing 7 pounds which was definately as buzzy as everyone was making it out to be, it seemed as though the little annoying birds outside just wouldn't shut-up. but in an instant of thinking that, i was suprised how i actually noticed them. all the chirping and sounds of wings flapping along with the tunes of insects buzzing filled the air. spring indeed seemed to have come early and for just once, (well in a long time anyways) i listened to the sounds of the outside.
on the verandah i stood looking out towards the tree branches from which the sounds were coming from. the backdrop of the browned paddock grass and the sun just setting seemed to relax me. as i approached the stairs the sound of cola's tail hitting the metal wall stopped me. upside down she lay with four legs in the air, she wiggled her body side to side, something she usually did on her own when her dog dreams had finally ceased. her saggy lips drawn down by gravity showed her teeth and as i slowly sat down beside her, she licked me. the warmth of her sun bathed body and the floor boards felt under me represented much of what winter usually means to me.
as it sat there lost within the dark orangy tinge of the sun setting slightly, hands wet from doggy germs and smelling of an unbrushed mouth of many months, the instant smell of freshly cut grass brought me back. what i found a little strange was that it did not bring me to any memories of the past, nostalgia as people would describe it. it seemed as though i'm passed it now where the appreciation of what i have now seems to be what's keeping me smiling today.
i definately cannot say that the past is forgotten, no-one can, but to get to the point where you can appreciate that the past, is no more than the past than well, i guess life only just starts to begin. (unless your that lucky bastard where the past has not left you, yet).
staring at the poster i bought 3 years ago in nzed, lost within it's orangy tinge of sun setting slightly, i no longer reminisc of the time i was so eager, so motivated, so determined-
"it is not the position in which you stand, but the direction in which you look."
it's finally come to the stage where i no longer feel young being 21. it's a little funny how you can see yourself evolve, especially when you try and keep old habits updated while learning new ones.
