It was only after driving around the valley at 11 o'clock one night which made me realize that there is so much more to life than i had recently once thought.
As lonely as it sounds, I've enjoyed a few by-myself nights particularly on the water with rod in hand to ponder about the many things which have been on my mind, and to see if i couldn't snag a feed for the tummy. I actually learnt something new about myself during one session over at fishermens island a few weeks back.
The drive to the mullet hole to grab some bait proved to be much longer than usual which probably had to do with not conversing with anyone on the way there. Nonetheless, once reaching the bait hole, the cast net was hauled through the park to a spot you'ld probably have fun imagining what could happen to you out there.
It wasn't uncommon to think an axe murderer was around with every shake of bush or rattling of metal but going this far, it was either a chance of dying or catching bait for a feed. As you probably would of guessed, I was stupid. From the 10 or so casts of the 20ft,- 3 prawns, 3 mullet and 2 herring were up for a trade for something hopefully bigger. Lactic acid built up everywhere particularly located on my lower back and arms, but the second or so of rest while sitting in the car allowed me to regain everything that I had lost, I mean, I've actually got a chance of hitting something big at the port for once.
Again, the speakers this time though were blarring out much of the rnb mp3 data disk that I had burnt but still, it was a quiet ride to the port. I unloaded my gear, bucket in one hand, two rods in the other and a bag, drapped over my shoulder full of tackle, I was actually surprised that I was that determined to fish that night.
So after setting up my gear, I sat and waited, and ran thoughts through my head. I actually thought about my dad for once and wondered where he was and what he was up to. It's actually kind of ironic me fishing by my lone self considering the many times I had denied going with him back in the day. But as I slowly ran out of things which made me remember the good things about him, I slowly pushed the thought to the back of my mind, with the bad things flowing.
I instantly started to think about how much I loved my mum but was interrupted by a slight jerk in the rod tip which ended up being just the current. Returning to the conversation with myself, I thought a little bit of the dramas that seemed to be occurring around me but they somehow seemed to be swept by with thoughts of the people who actually matter which coincidentally, are those whom I actually matter to.
I apologized a few times to myself and a few other people that night and learnt that no matter how sincere and honest your apology is, there will always be those who understand and those who just understand that its just another word. It's really strange how those that do understand know that an apology isn't just for them but also the person saying it. I apologized to myself for being so harsh when things weren't necessary and being so soft with things that bothered me.
I thought of how stupid little things could make people act so little but realized that it seems some people just need drama in their lives, I love it.
I feel like I'm learning more and more about myself as I sit alone to talk to my mind, there's only so much you can talk to a friend about but then again, the fellas that listened to me could probably say there isn't.
I feel like I've grown......To be continued.
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