Don't kick me while I'm down, because when I get up, you're SCREWED!

I feel...

Tiredness

Looking up into the adjacent wall, squiggled in circles, blue coloured, I wonder why QUT doesn’t have flash computer labs similar to those down here at Griffith uni on the gold coast. Yes, I’m down here in the middle of what is supposed to be my uni holiday period, No; I’m not a very keen student whom has nothing better to do than study. I’m down here waiting for the missus to complete a supplementary exam, her second one in fact and because I’m sick of trying to sleep in the Integra (yes, I’ve tried many times and failed the same amount) I’m here. There are quite a number of students in here at the moment and in comparison to my normal uni proceedings, it seems that students down here seem keener than those back in Brisbane, well compared to QUT anyway.

Holidays so far have been, well, any other word which describes the opposite. Work has filled the week (when has it not) gym has proceeded it, and sleep (most of the time) proceeds that. When the week ends for most people, mine starts, with a sleepless Friday night finishing on a high on caffeine, mindless, physically drained one on Sunday afternoon. Mondays, my day off, are spent recovering, for the next weekend to come. Life becomes pretty dull. As my girlfriend would describe, I’m not the most enjoyable person in the world to be with when I’m tired and I seem to hear her complain so often of it these days that it seems that I’m tired all the time; maybe I should just stop being a grumpy bastard!

But work, to be honest, has been draining to say the least. I’ve been wrecked. At times I feel that it affects my gym-ing however each workout drives me a little further, knowing that my mind is still strong enough to keep me standing and powering through each session. My weight is at a steady 96, up to 98 on days and down to 95 on others. It seems as though I’ve reached plateau for the past couple of months but hopefully my perseverance will keep me growing in the coming year.

It is again that time of year... again. Christmas, which lasts for a few days and New Years, for another couple? We have definitely smashed through this year. I swear it was really only just a few months ago that I was describing the previous year last year. To sum up this year in one word, I would probably use disappointment. It really wasn’t the best year I’ve had but in nearly finishing it, it has made me realise that even through so much disappointment, I’ve never in my life learnt so much about myself and people in general and with so much personal growth, I have never been more happy.

I always knew that the world was not an easy-go place where you could have everything at your fingertips. This year absolutely proved that. With so much work and effort in all aspects of life (and even some more), not much really went the way I hoped them to. I worked so hard to save money and pay off my debts but I’ve ended with a slightly chipped at personal loan and a credit card debt which nearly equals my personal one. I’ve worked so hard in ‘maintaining’ relationships this year, the ones that I described last year as ones that would never expire that I’ve become tired from rejection and one way love. I become a little sad when I think about all that went wrong this year, a little disappointed but despite this, I don’t regret one single thing that happened!

Without the huge ass debt I got myself into this year, the amounts of money I spent, I wouldn’t have been able to open my mind and soul to all that I missed out on being exclusive and shallow minded; happy being where I was. I was able to tingle my senses with foods I had never tasted before, smells I had never smelt before, and experienced what Brisbane really had to offer, as well as the world outside of it. To say I wouldn’t do it all over again would be a lie. Money can be made, time cannot.

Where one person would say cherish all you have and your memories which are bound to them (in fact, I was one of them), today, I would say fuck it. Well, maybe not but have that choice to do so. Too long was I bound to memories which shaped me that I forgot who I was. Even though I seem stuck at the moment, participating in a routine life that I’m slightly unhappy about, I am no longer grounded by memories which had made me happy. There is no more (little) sense of living in the past. I’ve learnt one very important phrase this year and that is;

“I don’t regret the people I’ve been with, just the time I wasted which could have been spent with those that actually matter”

Maybe disappointment isn’t such a great word to describe this year. Accepting might be a better word, one that describes that even though things happen, they happen for a reason, you can’t help that!

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen."

Michael Jordan

Sometimes you have to forget what's gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what's coming next.

Listen to your heart. Even though it’s on the left side, it’s always right.

Every moment spent in judgment and criticism of another is a moment lost in the betterment and growth of self."

I don't have time to hate people who hate me, because I am too busy loving people who love me.

stolen from a facebook group

I love you babe. Thanks for waiting for me, everyday.

don't, because it is.

4 oclock in the morning of my exam -- tired as shit -- read through all 15 or so lectures once -- over it -- watching office -- hope im not too screwed....

Well Hi there...

Just because your breathing, doesn't mean your alive...

Hi, my name is Ly.

It seems like forever since I last posted but despite this, so much has happened, so many stories to share and so many things to complain about; I don't plan to blog too much about it unfortunately.Unlucky, hahaha.....

There is actual reason for this though, there really is too much to say. I've learnt a lot in the past couple of weeks and that is, there are times when it's important to keep things to yourself!

Why do I say this you might ask? To be honest, my girlfriend taught me and although it was hard to begin with, it has actually made me into a better person. I'm sharing less and focusing more on my problems and bad habits, I was able to work on making them better rather than wasting energy sharing and not doing. It's also made me realize that not too many people care about your problems; no-one does as a matter of fact.

There will always be someone who listens but at the end of the day, your problems are yours and it's only you who can deal with them.

On a lighter note, I wish to share my happiness. Never in my life have I had so much drive and determination to strive for my goals. Only three more months to go and although the list of to do's is humungo, it's achievable.

Work on your problems so you can share your happiness. Please.

Everybody, one day will die, and be forgotten. Act and behave in a way that will make life interesting and fun, fuck a mundane predictable life working Monday to Friday with something you derive no pleasure from; just living life out till you grow old and wither away. Find a passion, form relationships, don't be afraid to get out there and fuck what everyone else thinks, trust me it's alot more fun that way.

Don't ever pay people out or put people down. Instead just put yourself up and let the haters do their thing. I'd rather be a person that's hated on, than a person that does the hating. A wise man one said...

Haters gonna hate!

R.I.P Zyzz.

"I'm gonna show you, how great I am!"

"A loser doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses, but talks about what he’ll do if he wins, and a winner doesn’t talk about what he’ll do if he wins, but knows what he’ll do if he loses.”

The guy that finished second who?

Picture taken by RayRei of RaySean Productions.
Check them out ----> http://be-mysterious.tumblr.com

Just you and me.
We'll make it.

EMINEM - Lighters Ft. Bruno Mars

http://www.simplyshredded.com/keep-the-drive-alive-20-of-the-best-motivational-and-inspirational-pictures-on-the-web-2nd-edition.html

Blogging these days seem fairly non-existent but I can assure you, I'm still alive and kicking, even though you haven't heard my ramblings in a while.

The past couple of months/ weeks have been a little hard. To be really honest, nothing has really changed or become more difficult; normal life just seems harder! I think with all the work, and uni (even though we are on break at the moment), and late nights, and the gym, and the missus and everything in between has finally taken it's toll on the once invincible Ly.

I've burnt out but I'm picking myself back up and putting back the pieces, slowly, but still progressing. There are quite a few things in life that I need to sort out but something the girlfriend has explained once before, just takes a proper couple of hours a day to fix; you know me, I know me, nothing gets worked on until the last second or when shit finally hits the fan.

But that was a week ago and I've finally done something about it. Finances, timetabling, uni, gym and normal living doings are in progress.

With motivations high, hopefully this little semi-blogging will help me get back on track, and blogging, a little more.

some people just need more time than others...

to cram.

Exactly 1 year ago. Kind of ironic that I'm holding the kind of food that made me so big just a year previously. Then again, I guess if you enjoy everything in moderation and live an active life overall, you don't really need to be all that worried.

In attempting to study for my exams, I've found another way to postpone it again after being all facebooked and google-searched out (I decided to make a blog update if you didn't figure that one out).

Life hasn't changed much since the last time I posted properly. Other than the little mishaps that occurred regarding my beloved auto-vehicle, with the tyre pretty much shredded, the rear passenger side brake pads burnt to ash and the front left wheel bearing as wobbly as a spin top about to topple, little else has really made my face frown.

My birthday came and passed and was again another one to remember; not so much for how great of a time it was but for the politics which surrounded those couple of days. You deal with it then, and you get over it later, well I did anyway. I learned so much about myself and so much about the people around me that I'm glad life chucks the shits once in a while, I mean, how else are you supposed to learn?

'Be around people who make you happy' but I guess sometimes to learn that you have to be with people that don't.

Work was and still is my main agenda with the restaurant and security occupying most of my waking hours. Security as a supervisor challenges me more than normal but it definitely isn't as stressful as I thought it would be. I often reminisce while showing guards around the venue, of the time when I was done the same nearly 4 years ago; how quick time passes, and how fast you progress if you decide to put hard work in.

Then I went to Melbourne.

It. Was. Absolutely. AMAZING! But more on that later.

Going to Melbourne was definitely what I needed after the 2 or so years of working my ass off to barely survive. For once I didn't have to worry about money or bills which was great; I did worry about other stuff though but they were less important. It was great to finally see the world outside of Brisbane and to get out and away from my cave that I'd been hiding in. New scenery, new tastes, new feelings and new opinions, made me a new person. Trip number 2 is currently in its planning stage which shows just how much I loved getting away! I've caught it, I've caught the T-bug.

New motivation at the gym was found but I've lost motivation to talk about it. For now.

Blog soon.

how much I love her....

“Your biggest challenge isn’t someone else. It’s the ache in your lungs and the burning in your legs, and the voice inside you that yells “CAN’T”, but you don’t listen. You just push harder. And then you hear the voice whisper “can” and you discover that the person you thought you were is no match for the one you really are.” ~ Unknown

http://www.simplyshredded.com/bodybuilding-motivation-our-greatest-glory-is-not-in-never-falling-but-in-rising-every-time-we-fall.html

Photography by Bond Duong. Hit him up, he's a mean photographer!

It's been a great year so far. Work is hectic and uni could be better but everything else is great. I've smashed it at the gym these days with the extra calories chucked in accidentally on purpose; I've been actually eating my required calories instead of wasting away between workouts. As a result, I've been able to gain some weight on the iron and lose some weight around the bodies.

My lowest for the year showed 94.5kg on the scales with the relating workout hitting a pb shoulder press of 35 for 4 reps. Cardio will probably be my main priority this month and my diet will probably be more closely monitored; no more sugars in my coffee, or chocolate pods (goosh I've been slack!)

I've always talked about and pre-planned all these getaway holidays with the gang many times over and for once, I've proceeded to booking, paying and now, am officially waiting for the time where I really can get away. We booked to stay in Melbourne for a week, during one of the three weeks break that we get from the shop. I seriously cannot wait till we go especially considering how long we've gone without having a holiday (I can't remember the last time the shop actually closed; wait, we closed one day for the Brisbane Floods,....I guess we really had no choice right?)

I initially found it a little awkward using the word holiday as it didn't seem that I deserved it but these days, I've learned to give myself a break. From 4 o'clock sign offs at the muddy and 8 o'clock lectures preceding that and 6 day shifts with an afternoon on a Sunday to relax, I think that it may just be my turn to de-stress for a few days; I mean, I'll become more productive after wards right? I seriously cannot wait!

Talking about Sunday relaxes, I spent the few twilight hours on the Sunday with Miss special and two other specials who were in the area for what turned out to be a great night of catch up, shit talking and appreciation of great company. We even got to check out the local new Mexican and desert on offer; both pretty sub par but that didn't really matter.

Nothing at the moment really matters too much.
Life. Is. Good.

No it isn't, it's great.

So I talk in my sleep as confirmed by my second half. These are the few things I apparently say when I'm half conscious in my world of daze.

Something on the lines of....
- Don't worry, I'll make the mufftins
- Angieeeee
- I finally met you
- Just listen to the teacher
- Would you rather have long and chilled or fast and rapid...

I'm also a chronic snorer, I honestly don't know how she can sleep next to me.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It got so cold it froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and shat on it. As it lay there in the pile of cow shit, it began to realize how warm it was. The shit was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the little bird singing, and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow shit, and promptly dug him out-and then ate him.

The morals of the story are:

1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut and dig your way out!

Never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart.

Pride attracts the girl. Courage approaches the girl. Wisdom gets the girl. Strength puts up with the girl, but loyalty keeps the girl♥

If shes amazing, she wont be easy. If shes easy, she wont be amazing. If shes worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy...

Stolen....

I've found motivation to work at my goals and have found another set of goals to work towards.

They always say, two heads are better than one right? Why not two hearts?

The extracurricular ones.

1. Straddie
2. Melbourne
3. Goma (completed x2)
4. Paris
5. Coolangatta
6. The lighthouse (done)
7. Glow warm caves (done)
8. Walking the afternoon winter beach
9. Random cafe Breakky feeds
10. Trang (best pho in Brisbane)
11. Sydney

last time I felt like this was....I have never felt like this before.

didn't realize what I had until I found it.... (no typo)

no longer care what other people think of me because as long as I'm happy, that's all that really matters.

In recent weeks life seemed swell with almost every aspect of life either being great or returning to great. This week, I'm so content with life I wonder what transitions have occurred to make me feel this way.

I often talk about hearing the music, my calling, the music which sings to the heart and makes my mind happy. These days, the music of love is heard and felt every single day, not just for that special someone but for everyone, everything, all things.

Could it be the change in weather or the massive influx of love songs shared by the little sister? Certain songs always remind me of specific memories and seasons. When I think about it now, my last year music-wise was pretty much Jason Mraz and all things acoustic; very much like the year previous. When Jason Mraz plays on the radio, I instantly think of my fishing days with the gang and those hot sultry nights in the kitchen with Martin.

I felt so free those years and so young. As I reflect on old posts I've made, I'm also reminded of how consumed I was with work and how fussed I was over the little shits that comes with life; life seemed to be all about surviving, day by day.

Today, I've noticed that I'm different to how I used to be. Different on the outside but not on the inside if that makes any sense. I feel that I'm more myself these days, that specific traits have been brought to the surface, specific attributes which were important to me back then but drifted in the past years.

No longer am I as judgmental as I used to be. My love for people grows so much more now that I am no longer blinded by negativity. I was always reminded in primary school how 'one should not judge others if one does not want to be judged themselves', one valuable lesson which as an adult, I've somehow chose to forget.

I no longer live in the past but embrace that it happened and treat them as shelved memories. I wasted too much energy holding onto the past that I forgot to live in the moment and plan for the future. Recent weeks have taught me that holding onto the past can make you regret your future. It's also taught me that without moving forward and adapting to change, you'll get left behind.

The music I hear today is so loud that I have to share it with everyone that is near. Even my little sister seems to have heard it, this is a good change. A new and improved Ly.

''When I go out people come up to me
They keep on telling me how I should be
I listen, wishing they could leave me alone
- leave me alone
Tonight, I leave my world behind
I'm letting go tonight
Tonight, tonight, tonight
Tonight, I leave it all behind
I'm letting go tonight''

Tonight, tonight, tonight

Tonight - Danny ft. The Providers

soooooooooooooooo happy!

and find what you need.

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your present or future.

I think the only reason everyone holds onto memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything and everyone else does.

I started my day with this....Today' going to be a good day!

Original Post (06/01/2011)

Her large round eyes provide the sunshine in the day and the moonlight in the darkness. As a gust of wind blows, strands of her hair dance wildly in the air while the remaining frames her baby face.

Her smile moves her cheeks which moves her ears, which stops time on earth momentarily. Lips the colour of a tea rose; dark red on the inside, bright pink on the outside. Hands as soft as kittens, shows age and work, and independence. Mouth, nose, ears, cheeks, all proportions normal but seem special in this combination. She's beautiful.

But I still don't get butterflies, and my knees don't buckle, and there is no urge to go and dance in the rain....

because when I'm with her, I don't get butterflies because I can be myself. I don't have to be someone else for she loves me for who I am. There is no urge to dance in the rain because that's just silly; you don't want to catch a cold do you?

I'll still dance...

When you don't have it, you don't need it.
When you have it, you can't live without it....

Fighting For Air - Far east movement
Air, Air
Air, A- air
Air, Air
Air, A-air

I never let love in, I left it on the dresser
I never let love leave an impression
But like a fingerprint now I found you at my fingertips
And I just wanna text you every second
You're always on my mind like reflections on my shades
I gotta look away cause I could stare at you for days
I can give you every millisecond every day
(You, you)
You can buy the time that I can give away

I'm not gonna lie I want your body
But I know there's more than just your body
I don't want you with just somebody
Ima let you know

I need to sit down girl
Cause I can't breathe
You take my breath away from me
Ooh girl can't you see
What you've done to me
You take my breath away from me

You got me, got me fighting for air, air
You got me, got me fighting for air, a- air

Yea, yea, yea

My life isn't measured by the breath's I take
But the moments with you that take my breath away
I don't need you in heels but I need your head over
Come a little closer
Rest your head up on my shoulder
(You, you)
Now you got me smiling
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/f/far-east-movement-lyrics/fighting-for-air-lyrics.html -]
Blown cover
Face with them cupcakes
No butter
They say love is blind but
You're so fine
If I keep you in my life I'd never close my eyes

I'm not gonna lie I want your body
But I know there's more than just your body
I don't want you with just somebody
Ima let you know

I need to sit down girl
Cause I can't breathe
You take my breathe away from me
Ooh girl can't you see
What you've done to me
You take my breath away from me

You got me, got me fighting for air, air
You got me, got me fighting for air, a- air

Hold up
Lemme take a breath
Suffocating
Is there any time left for love?
Le- Lemme take a breath
Suffocating
Is there any time left?

I need to sit down girl
Cause I can't breathe
You take my breath away from me
Ooh girl can't you see
What you've done to me
You take my breath away from me

You got me, got me fighting for air, air
You got me, got me fighting for air, a- air
You got me, got me fighting for air, air
You, you, you, got me, got me fighting for air, a- air

95.7, 95.7, 95.7, 95.7!!!!

It's been just short of three months since the new year took off and I feel that I've accomplished so much more than I did in the whole 12 months that preceded it. My personal goals mostly related to fitness, health and well being. Today I am happy to say that I've reached my goal of being 95 kilograms.

I hit 95.7 a couple of days ago which made my carb depleted body feel as if it just had a whole loaf of bread chased down with coke! Days at the gym where I'm mentally stimulated through feelings of accomplishment are usually those that out train any stimulant consisting days no matter how much I take (by stimulants I mean caffeine..., 6 cups of it mind you). I smashed shoulders that day and could see many differences since the start of the year. I've noticed that my brachial vein can be seen through my front delts running down along my arm and the lats seems a little wider now....pretty vain aren't I!?

Training wise I definitely haven't been as focused as I was at the start of the year but I guess with time being such a sacred commodity these days, missing one of two days at the gym still leaves me with, four days a week...? I'm getting back to the heavier volume sets this week and I'm glad I've improved my strength even with the weight loss and dieting. Consistently hitting the numbers every workout keeps me motivated but I know it's not such a big deal even if I didn't; just have to work harder next time......I'm pretty happy at the moment!

Nearly there....

Please forgive my absence. For once, my mind has been worry free. I feel content.

Sometimes you sit and wonder about happiness and when it will come. Sometimes it just takes something to remind you that you've always had it.

Make mistakes, be foolish and take risks yesterday,
So you can enjoy what today has to offer and look forward to the tomorrows.

comes easy.

But we can't
We can't tell
The future no
The first kiss, the beauty of the world we know
So Imma say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu
Baby, what if
We all can say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu
Baby, what if

98.0.

Thank you mang!

To a friend who will be there forever and ever and ever!

I’m in such a good mood that even the pain I get from typing couldn’t stop me from blogging. Along with having 50% of my fingers chopped or sliced in some way (mind you it was mostly due to the inability to stay focused while cooking, not the fact that I’m a shitty chef) not much else seems to be going by the best. I’ve somehow managed to be in more debt, have more on my mind and as a result, probably as stressed as I’ve ever been since holidays began. The sun even decided to be brighter and hotter when I had a mowing job I needed to complete; even the grass thought it would be funny to grow just that little bit longer as well.

But through all the more or less misfortunes I’ve encountered, I still sustain very much a positive chi. The little lawn beetle I used to hit the mowing job taught me the value of persistence and determination, which got me finding lost motivation. The little beast was actually not my first preference as I was sick of it’s gutless ability to mow grass that is slightly longer than normal (who actually mows their lawn unless it’s actually noticeable). The good old Victa came back to life when my uncle and I fixed the fuel clog and cleaned the air filter and my intention was to use it to finish what was in my mind a 45 minute job.

Upon filling her up with some 98, and after what I would describe as a frustrating half an hour of back/ shoulder rows, I gave up and swore to never waste that much time ever again. But the job still needed to be done and with my only free day I’d have before the work week started again, the beetle went into the boot and we were off. As shit weak the beetle was, she started every single time! By every single time I mean every single of the 50 or so restarts I had to make when it bogged down on metre long grass. The job ended up taking 3 hours, with some weeding, racking and sweeping thrown in as well. As I looked down on the little red beast before throwing it into my boot, accomplished, there has never been a time where the words underdog could be so wrongly used. From the first restart to the last which cut the final blade of grass, it was like the little engine that could,- small in power, small in attractiveness, but big in heart; working just as hard as anything else.

I guess even when things get tough and a little discouraging and complicated, the best thing to do is work at it, get through it, and see the light of accomplishment. I guess the hurdles in life are much like those moments when the mower get bogged; just pull the grass out, slide it to the concrete and re-pull the string!