doesn't always roar.
sometimes courage is the quite voice at the
end of the day saying
'i will try again tomorrow'.
I'm going to admit again, that I have been an old irritated grumpy, borderline psychotic bastard. Do I feel like I need anti-depressants, probably, but let's just see how I feel after my little break from reality.
Melbourne it is tomorrow, and I've been looking forward to it since April when the missus spontaneously bought us a return ticket, and a 4 night stay out on Swanston. I love her, really, I do, because without her, I wouldn't really have much to look forward to, I definitely wouldn't of felt like going to Melbourne if we hadn't pre-purchased the tickets that's for sure.
The balance problem I've been having really does affect how I view the world. Being in debt, and an unhealthy one that is (one where final notices don't really phase me any more), makes working to get out of it a necessity, rather than working to live life. Living and surviving are completely different, if you haven't really figured out already. If you haven't, you definitely should appreciate what you have right now.
I hate the world, but in all honesty, I hate pretty much everything right now because I'm angry. Having said that, I do go against what I believe and that is, when your angry, it's hard to be positive. I think that's where my whole hate for the world stemmed from; I haven't had the time to not be angry, to sit, think and gather my thoughts. Compare and contrast the good, the bad and the completely absolute ugly of life. But like I said previously, once you're in a rutt, a desperation to get out of it, especially when it becomes a necessity to work, the instance between fight or flight where you have to choose one or the other...Well, that what rules your life.
You either fight to the end, and find your equilibrium, or you fly away to another one. I haven't really figured out which one I'm doing, or will do but everyday I reassure myself that whatever I choose will be the right decision, whether it be a good one or a bad one. The right one is the one you don't regret.
I will enjoy the next couple of days in paradise, in hope that it will bring me back to paradise once I get back home. I will be an example for your kids. The example of where hard work will bring you, just wait for me to complete my course, then you'll all see.
to melbourne. I'm going to melbourne. I'm going to eeeeeat all day, and then I'll sleeeeep all night.
*Sings in tune of Eddy Murphy during Ice-cream scene
Check it out! My first edited picture! Which is better.
Hint. The second one!
Well did I work my ass off? I sure hope I did because if that wasn't one of the hardest months I've had, I sure hope I can take what else there is to come. So alright, it wasn't actually that terribly hard, just a little lack of sleep here and there, I mean you only really need 6 hours a night anyway right; there are still 18 hours left of whatever else you please?
I got away with 6 most nights of the week but the weekends really did test my strength. I didn't really get off my feet starting on Friday morning at 7 until the midnight of Saturday. Placement then to the restaurant, then to security, then to the restaurant and then gym. I see where you're getting at and I agree, why not just skip gym and close those seekers for a little of those ponies. Honestly, I really don't know, but I never did skip one gym session the whole month or so I was on placement.
It just seemed easier and easier to get through my days as the days progressed along the weeks. 8 hour days just didn't seem as long by the end of the four week period, dude, even the 40 or so hours of work those weekends didn't phase me much by the end of it. I guess what the whole experience taught me was if it needs to be done, regardless of the situation, one foot over the next gets you one step closer to your goal, or in my case, completion.
I'll tell you now, I definitely am not as productive now, on holidays, with days to do all the things I planned to do, compared to when I was living the placement life. But hard work pays off and I do stand by that, so much more than I did before starting placement. Don't get me wrong, I have always been a hard work pays off type of guy but in this instance, I really did have a smidgen of doubt as to whether or not my hard work would impress anyone at my placement locations. I doubted whether or not my hard work was even acceptable as hard work, unsure if the type of work I would be doing was actually easier for others than myself.
I found it incredibly challenging on my first day to stocktake. I remember wandering the little pharmacy at least a hundred times, and I damn well assure you I'm not exaggerating this value! My brain just didn't function that way, it was incredibly hard to spatially remember where everything was, remembering whether or not it was next to this or that. This tasks should seem simple to me right, considering left handers are all spatially gifted I was thought to believe, but it was difficult, and I'd have to say, one of the most frustrating things I have ever had to do in my life!
