It's hard to believe that everyone, one day will die. Yes, what a blog starter I know, especially with the number of current events, much closer than they seem; (maybe a reason for my current blogging), but life cannot be without death. Physically, our bodies are made by the earth so it's just eventual that we are returned to it. Like the fundamental laws of science, you just can't create something out of nothing (higgs boson?).
But apart from our carbon atoms dispersing and giving back the energy it took to make us, why is it that it's so hard to accept life as a cycle. Why is life attached with so many emotions, feelings and intangible things which make it so hard for one to let go.
Why with only death, are we reminded of how good someone was, or how someone will be dearly missed. It really would be difficult to imagine not seeing someone you loved or even someone you don't, ever ever again. How hard it would be to be in someone else' shoes to have lost someone; makes me a little pessimistic about why we are even here.
But in life, if anything else apart from giving back to mother nature, should be giving back to the people. A life fulfilled is a life lived to make a difference to others. For all those who have been lost physically, may you forever be alive within those people who stand.
I will strive for a life fulfilled, because for too long, I have taken life for granted.
O, my goodness. I'm so hyped up on the C-feine that I'm having trouble staying focused on the task at hand; that being, my four weeks worth of lectures I need to learn for my mid semesters which so happen to start tomorrow.
It really doesn't help being so bloody cold as well, fingers frozen and being a pretty laxed out day in general. Maybe I should turn off the beats playing in the background but it's my study break (going onto an hour now) so stuff it.
There is a lot coming in the next couple of weeks. Not only have examinations, assignments and uni related what not arrived and still coming soon after that, life seems to be rushing me in these next closing months of the year. Have I been looking forward to it, hells yeah, am I overwhelmed, you bet! Feeling slightly nervous and excited at the same time but I've been waiting for this moment for so long.
Come at me life. I stand ready, pretending to be that is.
Going to see Tom with Marius just a few nights ago made me realize how much I've really changed over the years. Even the catch up (barely) with Yu a few months back made me rethink how life has been since the day my feet left New Zealand.
Standing next to the beast of a human being, Marius swaying gently to the beats of Home Brew, I felt at peace. 4 or so years on since Toms' music was introduced to us Aquinas guys through his portable mp3 player, he finished his Australian Tour in Brisbane, my home town. That really made me think of what I had done in the past 4 or so years. Marius, a dentist now, took the weekend off from Hervey Bay to come see Tom with me.
It was absolutely amazing to see far everyone has come and yet, be so humble and genuine. In all honesty, I was filled with love, from how real and genuine these people who have come into my life have been. I apologized to Yu for not coming down to see the guys when I said I would, he replied, 'it doesn't matter because we're all coming to you!'.
I haven't stopped listening to Home brew since he gave me a signed CD on Sunday. It read 'Shot for always being a real cunt Ly. Aquinas --->; TOM.' I've listened to a fair few tracks before on you tube but for some reason I hadn't really understood it. Don't get me wrong, his lyrics are meaningful as, and not yet have I heard someone with such feeling and emotion but I really do just understand it all now.
I'm not sure whether it was because I was lost away in my little life that I had forgotten about everything else that made me happy or that seeing Tom and Marius and Yu re-ignited something. Hearing Tom got me to relive my happiness I felt back then. I felt at peace, happy, and I smile when the play button is pressed and I see Toms words flying straight from his mouth.
I am reminded of that good old place up on the hill. The place where on a clear day, the waves from the harbour can be heard, and the smell of that satay burger from the satay palace lingers in the air. And I would suddenly be surrounded by the boys, replying from my text that I was bored and wanted to go do something.
I am reminded of how carefree and full of love and ambition I was. Every time I listen to Home brew I am reminded of when Yu put salt in my water at Hanis'. Or was it Harry, or was it Pedro, Mana...? But I remember, the good old days and how I felt.
Life shouldn't change who you are, it should just add more stories for you to tell.
It's the end of week 2 of my final semester at university, ever. Being quite surreal is actually an understatement at the moment, I'm trying hard to wake myself up but it just doesn't seem to be working.
