nothing special

Mrs Brown by ~Krolewnasimieszka
http://krolewnasmieszka.deviantart.com/art/Mrs-Brown-98473176

the beginning of angus and julia stones' show at the tivoli, brisbane

my favourite j-mraz song at the moment; you and i both

couldn't find a better version of this song. it's simple starving to be safe by daphne loves derby. reminds me of last years summer holidays along the river fishing.

in approximately half a day or so i will begin my last shift at the calamvale. two days from now, i will end my time with security and continue on with my dreams; dreams of being able to sleep early (not that early) on a friday night and wake up early on a saturday morning to drive through saturday morning traffic, and breathe the saturday morning air (it's different). dreams of being able to go fishing on a saturday night and come back late on a sunday morning. dreams of being able to not worry about what next week will bring, or the following weeks for that matter if a big bald islander were dragged out for some particular reason.

but i think the most important dream i've had for a very long time is that i will be free. free from the many burdens of emotional intoxicated people, free from vomit, and spit, and spilt alcohol, and cigarette smoke, staining my clothes; and free from being accustomed to it all. free from the thoughts of bad behavioured patrons and their hurtful words. free from the physical pain of punches, kicks, bites and bottles.

in a second, i would do it all again, but not now.

as i sit quietly beneath the coffee table and proped against the sweat stained, toe jammed couch, and next to cola whom is attempting to sleep while my foot rubs against her underside, i feel a slight sense of very very minimal loneliness. may it be the house is empty with mum away yet again, or the younger one away making memories with friends at dinner, or may it be that in every direction i look, or rather, more or less every channel that i switch too, has some kind of reference to well, a relationship (the one between a male and a female if you didn't catch my drift).

i dunno what it is really. i rarely ever feel lonely, well in that sense anyway. but it's just strange that even on a show which has nothing to do with relationships, and the particular segment i was watching being about butterflies, i've somehow managed to find some reference in it which i've used to blame the way its made me feel. on getaway, they described of Morelia, a capital city of a state in mexico, where in autumn, 250 million monarch butterflies migrate from canada to hibernate and mate. with the life span of a particular butterfly ranging between 6 - 8 weeks, the trip takes 5 generations. and as well as it's strange to know that all these butterflies every year and at the same time decide to migrate to mexico and mate, it's kind of beautiful in my opinion. after mating, the female leaves while the male, too exhausted, drops to the forest floor and dies.

a moccona ad on channel 7 makes me feel a little strange as well. a dude walks around trying to find a coffee glass which can fit his lid. but you know what, after thinking about this a bit during this blog, i've sort of realised that it doesn't really matter anyway. it's not like it's bothering me too much, just a little sense i had which has probably dissapeared by now anyways.

maybe what's most important are the people around you, those friends who are with you 24/7, those who are with you when you feel lonely. maybe i'm not soo lonely after all. i wasn't too sure about it anyways. i need a shower.

it was just really hard having to cope with the fact that mum, through thick and thin is always trying to support the family with all her heart. it's a good hour and a half to where she works up north and every few weeks, there are only a few days where she has time to come back, sort out the house and the bills that are due.

it did make me pretty upset when she left that wednesday morning. since then though, i've tried even harder to make the house-work. i guess running your own household to its capacity is pretty much like a second job. you've always gotta be on your game, and aware of what's going on. it's become kind of second nature actually which is pretty cool as with previous early attempts to sort out laundry and scrub dishes and the like, taking many dreadful hours, these days, a mere half or so would be enough to do alot.

i've had a bit of time to clean up many things in my life. the gyming martin and i have been keeping with has released soo much stress as well as improving our friendship. but other than physical and nutritional improvements, i've tried tp follow the being happy secrets article on http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/ in which i've attempted to improve a few of my relationships with others. as a quote from the site states:

Life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.

i've realised that within the past couple of months or so, alot of my relationships whether it be at work or personal have been more or less on autopilot. there are many peaks and depressions may the relationship be plotted against time of year but upon a developmental state, it still seems to have plateaued. we started to restart our bonding time again which was awesome; there's always a few hours of lazing around staring at the skies and talking about what makes you happy or unhappy. the topic of what we'll do as christmas comes round is always a good one to talk about. it's been a good couple of weeks.

i'm to quit security this friday and although as ecstatic and eager i may have felt since i've let my boss know, there's alot of dissapointment and regret lingering in the air. i honestly have had enough of the job at the moment. i definately won't miss dealing with rude bad behavioured intoxicated patrons but i do miss the bonds i've made with the few who share the same passion for work and friendship. there aren't any jobs in the world where relationships aren't built but with security, the bonds you share are much like family; as close as brothers are to be. as corny as it seems to use the word love, there definately is nothing that can be used to describe these relationships. there's always someone who looks out for you, watches your back and comes to assistance when shit hits the fan. there's always someone who will risk their life to save yours. when shit does hit the fan and we've all been raughted by the managers though, we all sit down with one another and laugh, and converse and sometimes boasting of the battle scars we had incurred. i definately will miss my family at the calamvale and alex hills but there is always the future, the one where someday we will all enjoy it together.

i feel pretty content with life at the moment. i love these days where the sun is blazing and the wind blows through dust covered blinds.....