Its a little depressing when things dont turn out the way you want them to, especially when you've put so much effort into creating something that was just not meant to be. But I guess thats life and you move on. Well, human emotions and doings have quite a way of hindering the processes of 'moving on' which leads me to my point of question, why?
I'm not exactly questioning why we become so attached to things but rather, the selectivity of attachment. There are many things I have put in the past and never looked back such as terrible grades, some pretty damn embarrassing experiences and in general, the occasional fuck ups life brings. But the one thing I've never been able to let go of and forget are relationships. From the very bad relationships I've had in my life to the best ones, I can honestly say that there hasnt been a day that has gone by without me thinking of at least one of these relationships.
Apart from the frequent wonderings of the guys and Janice and what they're up to, the rest of my mind usually circulates the thoughts of bad relationships or friendships (if you want to describe them as that). I usually ponder on what could of been if things happened differently or the timing was a little better, or if that hand of fate slightly changed courses of direction. I think of ways I could make exisiting relationships better and how to re-ignite passed ones. These thoughts occasionally are acted upon and till this day there are only a handful of relationships that I havent been able to mend; theres probably one in particular which has sparked this post however....
Like I've said before and will continue saying, factor for dissapointment and you will never be suprised. Everyone will dissapoint you at least once, it just depends how much you can take before you come to a stage where you question whether its really worth all the effort. Maybe, maybe not?
Its a maybe for me.
And thats probably the answer to my question above; the selectivity of attachment probably has something to do with what makes you you. I've always had a mind to want to fix broken things, from physically broken objects, broken relationships, broken hearts (although the mending of the latter isnt an occasional happening). But thats just me and how I've been brought up. Call it a mild case of OCD if you must but I've always had a need to fix things, broken things just irritate me. Although not directly the product of the olden, since mum has a slight problem with confrontation and would rather let things run their course; I've found ways around this more or less hereditary trait and often question whether the mutation is of benifit.
I feel that life should'nt be all about worrying how to fix the broken things in life but rather embracing that they onced existed and to understand that it is normal for wear and tear to occur as well as damage which cannot be replaced. In saying this, I guess if I wasnt such a hypocritical idiot, life would be alot simpler.
What do you do hey. Im working towards it.
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