nothing special

with most of the crew inside now, we sat, pretty exhausted, resting in the lounge room watching from what i remember, pirated episodes of my wife and kids. after a good few of them, it was time to get ready for bondys' (we had all decided to take him out to dins for his b'day). upon calling him though, it was discovered that he had an assignment due the next day and that he would only be able to come chill for a few hours. all was good though, we decided to just go to little hong kong or something similar for a small feed and have everyone home early for once.

we picked bondy up and after driving around for a good half or so, there we sat in sunnypark, in our cars, deciding where the best place would be to eat. it was pretty apparent that most of us didn't want to go near market square (the amount of times we've eatten there has put a permanant curse on all of us) but where else? i can't really remember how we came upon the decision to have korean bbq, maybe it were that most of us hadn't eatten it before but nonetheless, that's where we headed next. with janice and i heading to pinelands and phuccie instinctively heading to the korean bbq located next to ipm, we turned around. (wouldn't it of been easier to get phuccie to come to us, rather than have 2 cars go to him...feel special phuccie).

Mrs Brown by ~Krolewnasimieszka
http://krolewnasmieszka.deviantart.com/art/Mrs-Brown-98473176

the beginning of angus and julia stones' show at the tivoli, brisbane

my favourite j-mraz song at the moment; you and i both

couldn't find a better version of this song. it's simple starving to be safe by daphne loves derby. reminds me of last years summer holidays along the river fishing.

in approximately half a day or so i will begin my last shift at the calamvale. two days from now, i will end my time with security and continue on with my dreams; dreams of being able to sleep early (not that early) on a friday night and wake up early on a saturday morning to drive through saturday morning traffic, and breathe the saturday morning air (it's different). dreams of being able to go fishing on a saturday night and come back late on a sunday morning. dreams of being able to not worry about what next week will bring, or the following weeks for that matter if a big bald islander were dragged out for some particular reason.

but i think the most important dream i've had for a very long time is that i will be free. free from the many burdens of emotional intoxicated people, free from vomit, and spit, and spilt alcohol, and cigarette smoke, staining my clothes; and free from being accustomed to it all. free from the thoughts of bad behavioured patrons and their hurtful words. free from the physical pain of punches, kicks, bites and bottles.

in a second, i would do it all again, but not now.

as i sit quietly beneath the coffee table and proped against the sweat stained, toe jammed couch, and next to cola whom is attempting to sleep while my foot rubs against her underside, i feel a slight sense of very very minimal loneliness. may it be the house is empty with mum away yet again, or the younger one away making memories with friends at dinner, or may it be that in every direction i look, or rather, more or less every channel that i switch too, has some kind of reference to well, a relationship (the one between a male and a female if you didn't catch my drift).

i dunno what it is really. i rarely ever feel lonely, well in that sense anyway. but it's just strange that even on a show which has nothing to do with relationships, and the particular segment i was watching being about butterflies, i've somehow managed to find some reference in it which i've used to blame the way its made me feel. on getaway, they described of Morelia, a capital city of a state in mexico, where in autumn, 250 million monarch butterflies migrate from canada to hibernate and mate. with the life span of a particular butterfly ranging between 6 - 8 weeks, the trip takes 5 generations. and as well as it's strange to know that all these butterflies every year and at the same time decide to migrate to mexico and mate, it's kind of beautiful in my opinion. after mating, the female leaves while the male, too exhausted, drops to the forest floor and dies.

a moccona ad on channel 7 makes me feel a little strange as well. a dude walks around trying to find a coffee glass which can fit his lid. but you know what, after thinking about this a bit during this blog, i've sort of realised that it doesn't really matter anyway. it's not like it's bothering me too much, just a little sense i had which has probably dissapeared by now anyways.

maybe what's most important are the people around you, those friends who are with you 24/7, those who are with you when you feel lonely. maybe i'm not soo lonely after all. i wasn't too sure about it anyways. i need a shower.

it was just really hard having to cope with the fact that mum, through thick and thin is always trying to support the family with all her heart. it's a good hour and a half to where she works up north and every few weeks, there are only a few days where she has time to come back, sort out the house and the bills that are due.

it did make me pretty upset when she left that wednesday morning. since then though, i've tried even harder to make the house-work. i guess running your own household to its capacity is pretty much like a second job. you've always gotta be on your game, and aware of what's going on. it's become kind of second nature actually which is pretty cool as with previous early attempts to sort out laundry and scrub dishes and the like, taking many dreadful hours, these days, a mere half or so would be enough to do alot.

i've had a bit of time to clean up many things in my life. the gyming martin and i have been keeping with has released soo much stress as well as improving our friendship. but other than physical and nutritional improvements, i've tried tp follow the being happy secrets article on http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/ in which i've attempted to improve a few of my relationships with others. as a quote from the site states:

Life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.

i've realised that within the past couple of months or so, alot of my relationships whether it be at work or personal have been more or less on autopilot. there are many peaks and depressions may the relationship be plotted against time of year but upon a developmental state, it still seems to have plateaued. we started to restart our bonding time again which was awesome; there's always a few hours of lazing around staring at the skies and talking about what makes you happy or unhappy. the topic of what we'll do as christmas comes round is always a good one to talk about. it's been a good couple of weeks.

i'm to quit security this friday and although as ecstatic and eager i may have felt since i've let my boss know, there's alot of dissapointment and regret lingering in the air. i honestly have had enough of the job at the moment. i definately won't miss dealing with rude bad behavioured intoxicated patrons but i do miss the bonds i've made with the few who share the same passion for work and friendship. there aren't any jobs in the world where relationships aren't built but with security, the bonds you share are much like family; as close as brothers are to be. as corny as it seems to use the word love, there definately is nothing that can be used to describe these relationships. there's always someone who looks out for you, watches your back and comes to assistance when shit hits the fan. there's always someone who will risk their life to save yours. when shit does hit the fan and we've all been raughted by the managers though, we all sit down with one another and laugh, and converse and sometimes boasting of the battle scars we had incurred. i definately will miss my family at the calamvale and alex hills but there is always the future, the one where someday we will all enjoy it together.

i feel pretty content with life at the moment. i love these days where the sun is blazing and the wind blows through dust covered blinds.....

ya know what, although i've had a bit too much, more than the legal limit to do much, e.g. drive or operate any machinery i'm still as straight as a nail. i'm actually here to vent a little. i'm just a little shitty at all the dramas that's going on. alot involves me but ya know what, i've gotten to a stage where i really couldn't give a rats arse ay. unless they are the people very very close to me who genuinely care, i really can't be stuffed ay.

people just have to grow up i reckon. what are we...bloody 5 still? i truthfully don't think people our age should take much to heart, i mean, what, if you get upset over something little, what chance do you have in the real word. seriously, i know definately, i'm not as straight as i think but i seriously still think my words are true.

everyone just needs to chill out and look at the bigger picture. there's always going to be drama, misunderstandings and well ya know what, lifes just like that; you've just gotta see past it and live life. these past few weeks have been pretty hectic for me what, along with uni and work work work, i've also got personal shit that's lingering around. as much effort i put into it, i can't seem to get a grasp of how less important it really is. ya know, with everything, i still enjoy the chill out over at the msquare and the odd few hours of dota and cod with the few i really do love.

everyweek the few that are always there make living worthwhile. trust me, the late arvos kicking the ball around and the late nights over at ms and little hong kong mean a hell of alot to me. as much as it seems i'm blabbing, i am gratefull.

hopefully after this week i will be able to concentrate on my studies and to be honest, i seriously can't be stuffed with dramas. i've tried and too many times i've been brushed off. life is more than that.

enjoy the week, enjoy the night, enjoy the hour because those last hours of happiness you got from me are no longer existent to me. if life happens to bring us together again let it be, we will create new memories. if not, i guess it's bad luck, be it wrong, i am the friend you need.

i hate it when i youtube for new music and find stuff i can relate to; i end up listening to the bloody thing for days until im completely sick of it. i can't really pinpoint the exact thing that gets me all happy and cheery whenever i listen to this song as there are too many things which it reminds me of. probably most notable are the times around highschool ending, the 3 or so months of completely nothingness where we didn't have to worry about a single thing...because we didn't have to. no troubles with schooling because what we had dreaded had ended and what was to begin hadn't started.

family and friends enjoyed the happiness surrounding christmas holidays, even being unemployed wasn't a worry because we knew it was only a small portion of our lives where we were allowed to be broke; well, with thoughts of continuing apprenticeships, university and tafe degrees and the big bucks associated with the completion of them.

it reminds me of the late summer days where we would all walk exhausted along the gold coast beaches and those cold winter nights spent at kangaroo point.

i miss the good old days ay.

not really....with all my might and restraint unable to keep me away from this place, i've decided to give another post....just one more...

i'm on my stride towards being 100% again. the bloody phluuu has got me for the first time this year but i guess with it battling with an imune system of an ox, i've manage to limit my downtime to only, at most, a day and a half. i guess alot of it was to do with my resting and taking things easy as well as smashing very occasional comfort foods, a cure many of you people know but don't have "time" to do. there definately isn't any drug that can get rid of the bastard but the odd codeine can put even the biggest ugly to sleep.

my two or so days although has left me pretty much behind in absolutely everything in uni (it's gonna be bloody hard to catch up i'll tell you that; it's only the first week as well), it doesn't seem as disastrous considering that i'm pretty much back to normal and i haven't spread the evil to others which could of made them tired, and then drowsy because of the all the drugs they would of been taking and because they aren't lazy arses like me, they would of travelled to uni and quite possibly spread their sickness to the driver of the many buses and well...u get the jist....the bus driver goes to work sick, not paying attention and smashes into an incoming barrier and everyone dies......

i'm awesome. i'm never posting again....never.

i sit in a room filled with smells of memories. despite the warmth of the suns rays upon it's presence, the coldness of past tragedies embed itself within these walls.

curiosity tempts me to discover although much hesitation is felt upon knowing what i might find. a bag in drawer three stops me. i pull out bits of my life; the only evidence of what had existed and watch, through off coloured lenses of the past. i feel chills as i begin to wonder of the memories which could have been......

everyday i try and live life right although sometimes it just doesn't seem like thats enough. in no position am i to say i've lived life with no regrets but, well maybe lifes just like that.

i wish you all the very best in life, goal X: - to return here and post someday...when life seems a little bit more awesome.

....life is like a pizza. when it's good its awesome, when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

she shits me off ay...i hate people who have to "win" every argument to satisfy their egotistical selves. its ok, if having the last word can give them the joy and wonder they so desperately need, they can have it.

i'll just ponder silently in my room for a few moments wondering why i was being so childish and go continue to youtube the countless hours of the classic power rangers and their awesome fighting capabilities. you see, it is i whom has won, ly = 1, you = zeeerrro.

so today i'm actually pretty happy ay. my final spark of joyfullness is still lasting since sunday arvo where i found out not only did i pass what i had thought to be the end of graduating uni anytime soon, i did a little bit better, well alot better than what i had thought anyways.

this post was continuted from monday which pretty much sums up just how slack i've been since then. we go back to uni in just a little bit over a week and i can't believe just how quickly the past week and a half has gone by. i guess sleeping at 5 every morning and having it consume pretty much the whole day doesn't really help either but it's been good.

it rained for two days two days ago and since yesterday, it's all cleared up and become insanely cold outside with the dry wind blowing hard. i love it ay. i love freezing cold fine weather. reminds me soo much of the old days of rugby out at southbank where we would kick the ball around till late night and freeze our legs off.

i swung by to pick marius up thursday last week and forgot how massive the cnt is. he's over at springfield lakes now so it's not soo much of a trek compared to last time. it was awesome seeing him again. he shared stories of dent placements where he was able to do fillings on patients and how its soo easy to fuk up. we had lunch over at the quail place in inala and then played smashed till the sun set. decided to all go see hancock which in the end was pretty ordinary; nothing compared to i am legend, which i've still go to go and borrow out.

actually, that's exactly what i remember i needed to do.

my to do list for the holidays:

grab the iphone and change phone plan
make herb garden
do taxes
reapply for cl
print out uni timetable
buy uni books
clean up room
clean car
mow the lawn
burn all of arrested development
grab family guy off of nick
grab futurama off of trung
grab how i met your mother from nick
do the laundry
re-write up gym routine
borrow movies out from video ezy
give cola a bath
clean fish tank
clean up middle room
fix all tap washers
go tailor fishing
go tailor fishing once more
go fishing with phuc
get car serviced
buy a new ironing board
cont....

so now it's 7:04 on a saturday two weeks from my last post. finished with exams last tuesday tho it seems much much longer since then. hopefully my thought of having to repeat all my papers this semester doesn't come true (i really really hope it doesn't).

i can't really quite remember what i was supposed to blog about but i think it had something to do with the concert i went to the week before my last post. the feeling is quite hard to describe in fact. having to start listening to their stuff again just now, i can actually remember the exact experience i had though. awesomenesssss. nah i don't know really ay. maybe it's just the feeling of freedom now that exams are over and that i can actually have time to lie on my couch and think about all the things i felt like thinking about during exams; like ummm...green tea and ....different ways to scare my dog. i love it how we have a good couple of days a week for three weeks to just do absolutely nothing, well be able to choose if we do absolutely nothing or something. the sunday, monday and thursdays between work for these three weeks are my free days.

i get to wake up late, eat whatever i want to and choose to do absolutely nothing (because i reckon i deserve it). hahahaha but it hasn't been all that tho. we've all probably gotten broke from the endless hours of dota and COD4 "endured" this week although we've all agreeed that we might as well get it over and done with because we'll just end up playing anyway. market squaring has been good with the new little hong kong opening up; they have awesome duck btw. and that's probably about it really. we saw a movie the other day (hancock) but that's pretty much all we do everyday. wake up, eat, figure out whose gonna come and play games....and then rock up home, sleep and do the same thing the next day. i love it ay.

i haven't gymed in a while but we've kept up our cardio by playing ball and i punch the bag every few days or so. we got new security gear as well ay. the merger that happend tuesday, the start of the new financial year got us new uniforms, a new name and that's probably bout all that's different. doesn't really bother me too much ay, but ild much rather our old logo and name...QHSS just flows a bit better than BEST security don't ya think?

but yeah, i dunno that's what i mean ay....it's good being able to talk about absolutely anything and think about things other than worrying about how unis gonna be or which lecture i should go to or that i have to go to work because i'll run out of money to pay for stuff. it's weird, i'm alot more broke now than i was during uni but it doesn't bother me. i mean i still need to work for finances but maybe without the stress of uni, everything else just seems to be more of a pea than a watermelon.

hahaha, these guys imo capture this in their music. have a listen.



cruisy ayyyy?

i sh*t you not, i've never had something so little change my life in soo many ways. an experience which lasted no more than 2 hours or so has allowed me to stop, think and recap life so far. angus and julia stone, an indie band from perth gave me this experience but there is much which led up to this event; i'll talk about it below. if jancie ever reads this, she will probably agree that they definately rocked but maybe not so life changing for her...hahaha.

it's always good to come out of an exam confident that you passed. the week or so preparation for pharmacology over in r block at qut is definately a contributor to how i performed thursday morning. taking work off last week, i was able to summon all my time into finally understand the concepts of the topic and remembering pretty much word for word of drug uses, there pharmacologicial effects and contraindications. i now regret not going to lectures, the topics i learned from scratch is pretty damn interesting; a note for future semesters?

janice, ricky and my little sister helped keep the whole group study environment a very efficient and productive experience (most times) which was pretty good. i bet most of us benifited from it. having stayed up till about 4 each morning after returning home from uni, i decided that it would be wise to tire myself out for the day before my exam so i would be able to attend refreshed and not sleep deprived; well i guess i earnt it, this exam was actually studied for, not crammed. instead, having not slept the entire day, my body just didn't want to adapt to sleeping so early. i woke an hour after my planned 1:30 bed-time when cola, awaked by my msg tone (mind you it's of michael jackson screaming), where as a natural house defender, looked for michael jackson whom was apparently in the kitchen. calming her down and fully awake now, i sat beside the lamp in my lounge room and went through the entire notes, word for word several times until the sun rose.

it's good after reading an exam paper in perussal with more knowledge than what was actually on the exam paper (hopefuly my performance can correspond to my boastfulness). hahaha, by half way (the exam was 3 hours in length), i just felt like taking a break, my stomach was rumbling, the hit of jolt i skulled beforehand was wearing off and my concentration had pretty much deminished. looking around the room, it was suprising that absolutely no-one had left early. i gathered all my super saiyan strength and completed the exam before the 15 minute cut off for students to leave and smashed it home (dropped by garbo with paullie to buy some chocos for co/, it was her b'day today).

lying on the coach now and trying to persuade my little sis that it was her shout for kfc (man, all i wanted was something juicy and oily in my tummy, i deserved it), i received an unexpected call from miss unmasked. she needed company so we chilled for a while over near her place in her car (bloooody holdens!). it was great catching up with her and it made me realised that sometimes when life is great for one person, it can be the worst time for others; everyones gotta trade tho, what fun is it when lifes alll good, "all" the time?

the restaurant apparently needed help so smashing it home to pick up my little sis, i smashed it again over to the restaurant where co/ just wanted all of us to have a gathering. khai, co/, cassie, tn, martin, my little sis and i all gathered around table 6 where we shared dip trio and garlic bread (actually cassie the smelly face didn't share wif us). its strange having everyone there, it felt more like having family there; i guess we are kiind of a family now.

i need to run....