i'm still trying to figure out why i'm such a mad c.nt. hahaha, i am quite jittery at the moment and am a little scared that in some specific increment of time, that by some chance, my heart will stop and i will stop being so mad.
i've turned to the good old green and to tell you the truth i have never really felt better, really. too stressed i am that i've actually forgotten for the little time it has been (much like when you need to poo soo much that you stop needing to poo). i guess like all things though, how gangster newton expressed it, with every action, there is a reaction. was that him? im so ever keen to not ponder.
to me, the only reaction i can actually look forward to is the insane diahorrea i'll be experiencing, well actually these days i've developed such a tolerance for caffeine that i simply, to be less graphic, butt fart. nonetheless, butt farting is still better than what i've had to endure. i hate studying but for some reason tonight seems alright, maybe a little better, maybe i've seen just that little ray of light at the end of the never ending tunnel of darkness.
is that a train...?
with a more than satisfactory feeling experienced from the previous fishing trip, we decided for a second trip through the hesitation that it would destroy our awesome memory of the last. we brought molo along to help carry the fish. the numbers weren't up from the previous trip however the quality of fish were much better. according to our new ranking system named 'bear grylls' where the size of the feed a catch makes is more valued than the number of fish caught, phuccie brought home a more than satisfied meal and even though molo snagged a few good in the rocks, the size of the couple of bream he pulled up was quite decent.
apart from the looks we were getting from all directions and lines of the jealous which crossed ours, it was a good night.
so i've loaded this page up every internet session i've had and although with much urge and need to blog, i've never actually brought myself into actually writing a couple of words.
there's so much that i've wanted to blog about that if i actually remembered it all, i don't think even the three weeks till holidays plus the month of holidays would be enough time for me to fininsh writing it. so, i'll try my best, and remember the more important things of the things i was supposed to blog.
fishing probably was what started it. a few good weeks back on good friday was probably one of, if not the best fishing experience i've had for a good long time. everything was just perfect. i remember the weather wasn't all that good that whole week and the one before it but friday started with clear blue skies. it was good friday so most of australia was on break and i would be happy with any excuse to have work off on a friday. phuccie and i headed down to the coast early for once (a pre-planned trip is always better than one unplanned). the plan of pumping yabbies on the sandbanks behind the seaway was washed away literally with the full moons affect on the normal rising tide. water at our knees instead of ankles lead us to the spit anyway with a bag of prawns phuccie brought.
the rocks gave the both of us some needed practise on how to deal with the more so difficult snag fishing. with only a few fish biting and the feed we were giving the mosquitoes while waiting for the high tide to come we decided to check out a new spot phuccie had discovered. we fished all along broadbeach, travelling down the channel to fish before the run in tide led us to a load of good sized bream and whiting and a bucket load of butter bream. fishing that night taught the both of us how important a little planning and common sense goes into catching a good feed. a few things we reckon every fishmen/ women should know; -
1. fish a few hours before the high tide
2. plan out your fishing locations beforehand
3. bring the lightest gear you need and the least of it (travel light)
4. bring fresh bait
5. bring lemon (a very good mosquito repellent discovered by phuccie)
6. have a good sharp knife
7. bring a bright torch for scouting
8. bring a good fishing partner
9. have a good attitude to the environment
10. be prepared to do some discovering
11. be prepared for a long night
we finished the night pretty satisfied. i was completely wrecked and phuccie rediscovered his love for fishing. count,- 41 fish, 30 or so keeps. wasn't a bad night.
so now that i'm finally on the last leg of my journey, having it be all downhill from here, knowing that i might actually quite possibly have some few hours of decent sleep tonight, i've decided to procrastinate on my last dedicated lecture for tonight.
several "thousand" words relating to glaucoma, sleeping disorders and headaches and migranes are barely fitting between the sides of my ear lobes. 'i can touch your ear lobes, and heal your heart' hahahaha. but gee, it's quite terrible how even now i am still able to procrastinate my previous procrastination of study when i know that i have time to just chill.
if i was actually keen enough i'ld probably go for an hour or so of the you-tube but my conscience, that little ly inside my head is fighting hard to get me back on track. man, i hate being lazy, are there any drugs which can be indicated for symptoms of laziness?
i'll research, maybe later.
i find it quite funny that the only period where there is an increase in outflow of blogging posts is during times where i'm the most busiest; during exams. yes, i do have an exam tomorrow, and yes, i am up trying to cram for it.
i actually, as much as i regret to finally subduing to the words said by my little sis that 'i would regret playing dota saturday night/ sunday morning, i actually 'do' regret it now, sort of. i'm taking a good break now considering i've been on my 3rd v tonight (i know, i know, nothing compared to back in the day). i've memorised word for word (and yes, i do also understand the processes and not just the words) 2 lectures and hopefully the next two (which are alot shorter mind you) will just flow as into my head as easily as my eyes stay open,,,hahah good luck ay?
i think i need another v break, i'll be back, hopefully with my heart still beating within my body cavity.
yes, so i asume you have noticed the new layout. i finally bit the bullet and transferred my old school, outdated blog to the new upgraded version of my template. i'm still wondering why i didn't change to the new template a few months back when i decided i would eventually have to. it's soo much easier now, not having to mess around with html to add stuff; old technology used to catch up with the new.
well, that's probably as much of an update as i can think of at the moment. not much else has changed really....
so i've re-read my last post and im still pretty confused.
i think what i was going at was that it's just so hard to let go of the past especially when parts of it are still existent today. not that it's a bad thing or anything don't get me wrong, it's just, days today are always referred back to the days back then. i mean, once you've reached the epitome of awesome once, going back there again isn't all that, well, awesome is it?
when i was brought back in time with one of the songs that shaped my teen years, back back in the day, it just made me realise how much i've held my life together with the old un-sticky pieces of faded tape that was once used to hold together friendships of epic proportions. i guess with most things sticky, once they lose their stickiness, no matter how much you try, its pretty much impossible to restick or even lick those things back on, and even if you do manage to, it's only time till the thing bloody falls back off again.
but i think i need to, well, replace the sticky tape in my life as well as finding other things to stick my life to. i need to make better the friendships i have now and like said with non-sticky pieces of faded tape, replace or get rid of the friendships which were once but now no more (why hold onto old friendships where it seems only one side still gives a crap, a little biased i know).
it's harder said than done, i guess it's just human to hold onto what we can't have.
and the reason is you....
i swear i've done a post similar to this before, but everytime i listen to the bloody song it always brings back memories of old; ones i much much long for. it's pretty true one 'youtube-ilian' pointed out, 'you need not watch the video, just listen to the words' and even so, when i do watch the video, pictures of our young selves are scattered in front of my eyes.
corny captions back then, bring slight sadness today, knowing much of what was, is no more. i can remember of a few particular photos; one of a 70's night where the 5 or so of us are huddled together, afros awide, young, innocent, and another in particular where there is a bottle cap on mikhails forehead.
even with the amateur use of video effects windows media player offered, and the slight off sync of music to picture, it seemed to create some type of,- insurance? maybe a plan which could never be claimed? back then anyway, it seemed to give me a sense of belonging. the video pretty much sumed up all that was us, everything that was us, and maybe a false sense of what was to be the future; a group of mates whom would be together for a long time to come.
it's hard to compare the photo frame which holds a dust covered picture three or so years ago to the one just a few months back. sitting side by side atop my computer shelf, clearly, times have indeed changed much of what used to be. it truly is easy to spot the differences but is it so for what has stayed the same?
for one, the most obvious is that as friends and family can come and go, family always comes back. as much as i'ld still like to hold on to the past memories, i think it might be time to move on; i mean, it really isn't hard to realise that most of what remains now was like that last year, and more so the year before. but maybe i might be thinking in a wrong sense?
im confused now, hopefully i'll be able to figure this out in part 2?
man, now that i've got more time to do stuff i've actually become less productive. waking up early to do placements today (ohh yeah, now that i'm 'officially' 2nd year and am able to do the single 2nd year subject that i haven't been able to do, pharmacy placements have been part of my curriculum) i felt like it was probably the one other thing apart from the monday tute that i really needed to really do this week.
tuesday was spent doing jack all day and then heading to work at night. today has probably been my slackest day where even though i did placements, and gymed with martin (it's good how gyming is just apart of any other day now) i feel as though it's been wasted on youtube (barely can be described as wasted in my opinion) and periodically checking hotmail, qut and facebook for notifications. i am an addict.
my plan for the next couple of days...10-12 microbiology tomorrow, 1 - 5 pharmacology revision, friday do some more pharmacology. saturday study a little of calculations and hopefully that will be enough revision for the exams on tuesday and wednesday.
wish me luck.
well well well, look who it is ay you say. i am back, and back as a happy dude. i've definately been through a whole heap to get me to where i am at the moment so maybe i'll do something different in this post compared to other massive essays i usually write.
an article i've read a few times over while sitting on the shitter, in the piss stained mens health magazine (my attempts to skillfully fold the front pages to not touch piss should be highly commended), lies one which titles 'the secret to happiness'. through the pages and pages of random babblings; some including scientific studies of particular economic groups and their levels of happiness, - i've been able to take in one thing which, well, after i try it, will hopefully lead me to a more happy ly.
instead of writing endless 'to do lists' of things you prioritise yourself to do (mind you, i actually still do enjoy writing them), to 'free' up time to do other things you actually enjoy, apparently it's more benificial writing a list of things that make you happy. obvious is the fact that both have absolutely nothing to do with each other, i actually like the idea of reminding yourself of happiness so i guess, we can strive for it instead of striving to finish your 'to do lists'.
things which have made me feel happy this month.
going to all you can eat pizza hut and laughing at bond when he got a little pepper in his eye.
driving around brisbane with the guys after a hard saturday night.
going to 999 and dreaming of the things i could put in my car.
having hour chats about old loves and good times.
going to court to find out that it isn't all that bad.
having solicitor I, initials K come be my lawyer for a day, bloody champ i say.
seeing money in my bank account which will last me longer than my next pay check.
gyming.
bumming at home working on the car with the fellas.
playing with cola.
drinking soymilk.
listening to jason mraz play butterfly.
seeing janice, tatey and bondy have colourful hair.
seeing ming.
wishing roy a happy birthday.
having a ball kick with all the a block fellas and noticing that old times, and old memories
don't seem to change much.
throwing out the last piece of trash on a saturday night.
helping mum sort out her passport.
knowing mum will be able to go to vietnam to visit grandma.
eatting papa beards.
talking to my pharmacy co-ordinator and realising he's actually a pretty good guy.
sorting out my timetable and finding out i have freed up alot of time due to fixing my enrolment.
sitting on the driveway, listening to martins car howl, as the clear sky turns darkens, throwing little pebbles at martin.
eatting pho breakfast, lunch and dinner.
making two new friends in my tutorial.
having a friend be so grateful of me that i felt like a bad friend.
going to work.
having an orange juice + lemonade at 4 o'clock on a saturday morning.
listening to lies at 4 o'clock on a saturday morning.
the smell of cut grass.
going to the fishing expo with phuccie.
not having uni tomorrow.
getting a haircut.
having QUT grant me the equity scholarship.
waiting for thursday to start on tiens car.
smashing it in the kitchen.
having those few extra hours of sleep.
jumping into a cold, fluffy bed.
it's pretty rare to hear the melodious chimes of the ice-cream truck these days, (it's quite amazing how time changes things) but hearing it today before heading to work brought back memories of old and thoughts of the present.
as a little kid every ding or dong i would hear randomly, would ignite all senses to concentrate on analysing whether it was an ice-cream truck; you probably did it too alright! slowly as the ding became louder through each cycle, all hope, both fingers and toes crossed while closing eyes to concentrate, i'ld wish that the same ding would follow the distintive tune of what i had only dreamt of. saliva starts building as it would be only time where tongue meets the sweet tastes of sugary iced cream and wafer cones between teeth chewing. too close to be certain, the tone gets softer and although i'm pretty certain that my senses were correct, when realising the truck had turned in a street before yours, heartache is all that is felt (and sore fingers and toes).
sometimes i would go through all that and instead, the tones were now so distintive that the ice-cream truck can be visible. i would stand a few metres from my bedroom curtains and look at it as it drove by, now too far to be chased down, maybe only if i ran. as it would pass by, i would remember of the last time i had asked the kind man for a double scoop of chocolate, dipped in a hardend chocolate coating and paying 2.70 for it. everytime i did i made myself believe it were only a few weeks back ago and that it would be too early to ask mum again (i always made my little sister, whom would be beside me, to ask mum if she could have ice-cream which automatically got me one as well, i hated getting no's from mum and knowing mum hated saying it.)
i remember it was probably one of our hardest couple of months. mum was making barely any money on her own and had to keep up with bills and monies to feed us while we were at school. we would have 'find all the money' days where my sister and i would split up and find as much change as we could from the house. the piggy bank would be first raided, then all the pockets from school pants, under couch cushions, in the car and the little nooks and kranies here and there. the change would be used to buy a one litre bottle of milk, half a loaf of bread and some ham most of the time.
one day, the same tune played, and now a little older we'ld begin to start understanding a little bit more about how hard mum works. excited inside, i'ld never show it, although it would be hard to stop my little sister blurting out, 'oi ly, is that the ice-cream truck?'. having mum definately hearing what she said as well as the sweet soft melodies, we would find her calling to us as she opened the garage door and headed towards the road. too excited already, we would race to the front (where i would leave my little sister in my dust) and see mum standing there waving down the truck. i always felt embarrased doing that, with all the neighbours looking but it was kind of a good thing as it attracted people to come (maybe that's why it sometimes missed our street?) a chocolate cone covered in chocolate and a vanila cone covered in hundreds and thousands announced in broken english would be followed by an exchange of a handful of 5 and 10 cents. my neighbour would always get a thickshake and we always left before hearing what the lady across the road orderd.
it's kinda funny how ice-cream trucks come at the most strangest times. those hot summers days where sweat feels like cling wrap and ice turns into little nipples within a matter of minutes, i'ld long await for the similar tunes to be rung which would raid the air. but no, no ice-cream truck can be seen or even heard.
today was a moderate, a little humid but bearable day, nothing really special about it. at about 4 o'clock i'ld think most kids would be playing at home in their school uniforms but none of my street. nostalgia ran through me as i heard the chimes. 13 years later i still feel excited that the same truck (although the panels are now glass windows and the paint retouched) playing the same melody and having the little picture of the ice-cream cone dipped in chocolate which can be seen beside the side window drive by. still, i stand a few metres from the window as i watched the truck go.
'it's a little stink to think of how you were back in the day compared to how you are now', i told mum just after the truck drove by. while she slowly swung on her hammock she asked me why. i explained that when i was little, i would watch the truck when it came in range and wished so hard that i had an ice-cream but didn't want to ask you. just as a reaction, mum asked me if i wanted money for some ice-cream. i replied with a 'no mum' and a slight chuckle and continued, 'and now that i'm old, with a job, and although not the richest person, can afford a few ice-cream cones if i wanted to, but i don't want to anymore. with mum reminiscing now too, i told her, maybe im getting too old, and she replied your getting too old?, and followed it with an attempted smile.
i thought to myself, i don't feel the passion i remember having while i was young. i could eat a thousand ice-creams and would still not feel as happy as i did when i got one from mum who gathered all our loose change, while we were doing it hard, to shout us one when she knew we really really wanted one.
i don't want to grow older. not that im scared of missing out the joys of being young, although i do miss it, but because that every year i grow older, so does my mum and a year less i have to pay back all that she has given to us. next time i hear that truck drive by, i'm going to shout mum one, i hope she likes it.
there are a few things on my mind at the moment.
1. the paint job i did on my beast yesterday turned out alright other than the little blotches of primer which can be seen on the surface, time for a cut and polish and hopefully it should look pretty ok.
2. my room although as tidy as it looks, there seems to be little things that are irritating me like the two empty protein shakers in front of me which should be sitting on the kitchen bench, my passport beside my arm should be in it's third draw within the cupboard so i know where i can find it next time i need it, and the camera, and sisters hardrive, and to do list not where they should be.
3. stuff regarding my uni studies like how i'm going to afford textbooks (i actually think it's best to use some this year), and stationary, and then there's the stuff you do before actually studying like the health and safety quizzes i'm supposed to be doing, my placement emergency details and confidentiality forms and then theres the fact that uni starts exactly a week minus 1 day from now.
4. my car and the result of a court apperance. driving around low isn't always fun, especially when police have to do their job.
5. that dead gold fish in the fish tank i've got to get rid of tomorrow morning.
6. mum and little sister.
7. my debts.
8. co diep, khai, di van, tien the gay fag, martin.
9. the fishing trip with phuccie to the mean lake we discovered.
10. ricky coming home.
11. my equity scholarship.
12. how mad bondy is that i've been cancelling our chill nights.
13. how stink i feel for cancelling most of the things i said i'm to attend.
14. how grateful i am that even through hard times i've still got people who are there and really care for me.
15. how old i'm getting.
16. the quote co diep told me 'ai cung co no, no tieng khong la no tinh, ai ma noi khong no lam phat.
'everybodys in debt, whether it be money or love, those who say they aren't are arrogant.'
17. how even at this age, how excited i get when i receive a catch up phone call. maybe it was me more excited to catch up than janice intended.
17. work.
18. food.
i was planning to pop by to give a post a few hours ago and have only noticed that this window were open just now; just about to go to sleep too.
hmmm, while i was in the shower i felt like being an uncomfortable, complaining ly tonight. i mean, why is it so bloody hot these days. i really don't mind the hotness but just the humidity brisbane usually is when clouds are low. i mean, damn, if your gotta rain, just rain. the humidity just makes everything wet, especially ly because he has some type of chronic sweating disorder. knowing this beforehand, the fact that the second i hop out of the shower and wished that i were back in it, i made sure the aircon was on full blast and that the towel and me undies were in close reach so that i could wipe dry, put me undies on and run hard to my to be freezing cold room.
now that i'm in here, i can't help but complain why it's gotten so cold. the half full jug and cup in which i drink my protein, filled with tea which is cooled between icecube may have had something to do with it, i love eatting ice.
i feel so unproductive these days. feeling so tired after work and not being able to get to sleep till the early hours of the morning has left me either too tired to wake up after the 'enough' 7 hours of sleep i usually get or too tired to wake up after sleeping too much. i patched up that leaking tap i talked about a few days back and have tiled (tile stickers) up the section of the kitchen wall which was ripped down (looks alot better than before i'ld have to say). mum reckons we do the whole kitchen. my air intake off of my accord busted a plastic holding so i replaced it with a silicon hose and some hose clamps i bought from autobahn and bunnings respectively. just sorted out my uni timetable this morning and it's pretty cool that i'll be attending with someone i know. yay, i have friends. i tried to organise all the tools that have been burried within the sheds, not too much done to be classified as successfull.
i had a break day today. the workout yesterday on chest didn't seem as though it did much but today it feels as though a cow slept on my chest the whole night. i felt that i needed a break and didn't feel 'too' much of a lazy arse. i'm to do legs and a bit of arms today, WHICH WILL BE A BITCH. i've done a bit of reading on bb.com and have learnt a few new things which i will try in my session today arvo. i was close to starting a bodyspace account, but it'll have to wait, for another night where i'm a little more motivated.
i've decided to paint the accord. i was thinking about fixing up all the paint thats flaking due to the damaging sun that is of brisbane but doing it the same colour although makes it look pretty clean, i've decided i'm going to be different and go flat black, maybe. i'll do the bonnet in the morning hopefully; i've been saying that for a good few weeks now, maybe i've just gotta get it started to get it done.
i'll wake up early hopefully tomorrow morning, go and get some paint, some sand paper and see how it goes. i'll smash gym usual time and then get ready for the 6er.
life seems so routine.
Live High by Jason Mraz
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/j/jason_mraz/live_high_crd.htmChords
A C#m7 Cm7 Bm7 Dm7 Dsus2
-0--4----3---2---5----5---
-2--5----4---3---6----5---
-2--4----3---2---5----7---
-2--6----5---4---7----7---
-0--4----3---2---5----5---
----4----3---2---5----5---
Intro
A C#m7 Cm7 Bm7 Dm7
Verse
A
I try to picture a girl
C#m7
Through a looking glass
Dsus2
See her as a carbon atom
Dm7
See her eyes and stare back at them
A
See that girl
C#m7
As her own new world
Dsus2 Dm7
Though a home is on the surface, she is still a universe
A C#m7
Glory God, oh God is peeking through the blinds
Dsus2
Are we all here standing naked
Dm7 A
Taking guesses at the actual date and time
C#m7
Oh my, justifying reasons why
Dsus2 Dm7
Is an absolutely insane resolution to live by
Chorus
A
Live high
C#m7 Cm7
Live mighty
Bm7
Live righteously
Dm7
Takin it easy
A C#m7 Cm7
Live high, live mighty
Bm7 Dm7
Live righteously
Verse 2: same as verse 1
Chorus
Bridge
Dsus2 Dm7
Just take it easy
C#m7 Bm7
And celebrate the malleable reality
Dm7
Nothing is ever as it seems
This life is but a dream
my mr rugby dont let mr pegs bring you down, or hang you up?
my to do lists of the holidays. as you can see, most of the tasks have been ticked off, some twice but if they are complete why leave them 'unticked'?
