With so much already happening since the start of 2011, I find myself lost in a cloud of emotions; brewing and gathering, waiting to piss down. This year as it has been already, I have experienced both love and lost. I am content and I am saddened. I am content of the present time of what I have achieved and what there is to look forward to. I feel that life has brought me rain when things got dry, sunshine when things got dark and music when things got quiet.
I am not one to complain about my life at the moment. I feel that I have left so much back ten days earlier. Today, I feel loved. Loved enough that it makes me wonder whether or not I deserve it. I feel that money does not seem as important this year as it did the last. In a way, it has made me feel that I’ve reached a new level in my life where I can give myself an opportunity to live life and learn, rather than constantly revising and surviving each and every day.
My problems these days feel like when I’m walking on a treadmill. For however long I walk, or for however far I run, I end up in the same position. Problems can be shelved but they are never forgotten, I feel that time will not resolve these issues, I feel that I need to fix them. I lost hope in humanity this year and have found faith in it as well. I’ve realized that my life problems are only minuscule compared to others. Feeling so much content, I feel that I am ungrateful for complaining and whining about the little things in life that suck.
I can't wait for the day where I put my hand up and take charge. I've regained my passion for making a difference, having it once shattered when being told that no-one can make a difference by themselves. I feel that I've got a responsibility to show our grand children in the distant future that people in 2011 were more than just surviving themselves. I am saddened by the losses of others, the hardships of those worse off than myself, the people who need the love. As empathetic as I may be, I have to admit, I have so much more than so many others.
It's only fair that I give back what I've taken...
but how.....?
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