and i even had a fella help me evict some crazy angry old dude. it was a pretty cruisy laxed out night which ended with me driving home in the freezing cold.
i fell alseeep in front of scrubs again and awoke a few hours later. there was a dinner organised for sunday night and i was pretty pumped to finally be free of anything, especially worries, as well as catching up with the few whom were awesomely important to me; remember when i said i missed everyone, even after seeing the few on friday, two days before, i still missed them heaps. after lazing around for another 20 or so, evan rang and wished me my first (verbal) unofficial happy b'day (ray sent me the first *unofficial*, sms the night before) but as well as that, he was heading over to trungs for some pong and he wanted to invite the spin master to join him. i agreed and showed up two hours later after having a slight feed and failing to wash my car seeing that cars were lined up double behind carwash spaces.
it was awesome seeing trung and evan and although i had seen them only a week or so back, it felt as if it were years. nick apppeared out of nowhere and the start of our reunion started there. back in the day stories of our high school crushes and funny topics where trung would always answer with references to tits and ass filled the air with warm nostalgic memories which made tears of laughter, the best kind. finally gaining the power to all leave the table of unimaginable attraction, waiting for trung to get ready, evan, myself and nick waited outside counting the number of times the viet fellas across the road would swear in one sentence.
we headed over my place where i had a quick shower and got ready for dinner. ross, tien and cassie rocked up which was awesome and again, the feeling of a lost puppy finding his owner was felt. tien and cassie gave us an awesome card with a mad gorilla on the front of it and a necklace charm which is awesome! i'm wearing it now atm, its to match the gorillaness everyone apparently associates me with. hahaha, we headed over to oiishii...having being 10 minutes late already, finding parking served to make us arrive at quarter to 7. walking into the restaurant, i was shocked to have seen the beautiful janice, sitting in the middle of the table with a big massive smile on her face and surrounding her, people whom i could of only imagined of being there. sitting there on the seat janice had saved me and waiting, the anticipation of who would come and tap me on the shoulder and wish me happy birthday was something i hadn't experienced in a loong long time, too long for me to even remember.
greets were all through tight handshakes followed by hugs which never meant soo much more meaningful. we all sassed massive amounts of sushi which was delicious and i bet the bill of 20 or so of us would of been quite delicious for the owner as well. old old memories were also resurfaced when i opened janices box to find contained a brand new viewmaster and a stack of cartidges. especially after having a good long chat with her a few weeks back of all those memories which made you smile when your a kid, janice's view master will have to go down as one of the best gifts i've ever received. bondy lifted up a massive box from under the table wrapped in pretty paper which worded "just married". destroying the wrapping paper, the words wii followed by guitar hero made me re-check whether i had read correctly. it was a massive pack with twin guitars; i can't wait for all those all nighters were gonna have with the singstar and buzz crew. it was an awesome pressieeeeee.
after everyone refusing to take my share for the feed, we all headed over to pool at sunnypark and futher headed to southbank qpac after finding that pool was full packed with people with no free tables. by now, a good half of the original 20 were left and we kicked rugby and soccer balls around, like the good old days. we were met by grogen later whom was very different from an hour or so before we had all seen him. he somehow managed to grow a beard and get completely smashed, it was actually some drunk redheaded bum who wanted to play ball with us. phuccie legged it first and we followed 20 minutes later and decided to chill over at our kangaroo point spot.
we took a million photos and it is probably about now where i feel most sad. i said to nick just before, that from all thats happened since a year back up until now, it all seems as though it only takes one day, a day like today, to make all those hard days and nights all worth it. being at the happiest point in my life since a long long time back, the saddness arose from the reasons why i was happy. being there, by my side, the best bunch of people i'll ever meet in my life, sharing memories which binds us so close, nothing can be strong enough to break it. saddened by the fact that old memories will never again be relived, and the thought that with every year passing, and every age growing, the inevitable stretching of those bonds will definately start to show, i know although that's the natural bitch of life, nothing much will be different other than the soon to be wrinkles and saggy skin on the exterior.
i'm much grateful for the nz boys' call this morning which gave me much more than a slight skip in my step. i'm grateful for the warmth of that yum cha that filled my stomach for brekky, the company i had just before class started, the care you gave me with that awesome hoodie with just winter around the corner, the messages of b'day greets both through sms's, phonecalls and facebook. i'm grateful for having you find time to travel long and far to give me something which touched my soul. thank you....
thank you is only the least i can say to describe how grateful i am to have you all as friends.
alright, although it's today where i reach that happy 2-0 number, the events leading up to today are solely responsible for just how awesomely happy i feel. with exams finally ending saturday morning, my high carried on within my sleep where i got a good few in front of the tv with cola by my side. she woke me up like usual, around 4:30 where she always wants to play. after shooing her away, i woke a half later when i realized that i had work and was hoping that it hadn't overslept. waking up seeing that it was 6 on the dot, i felt as though someone above was looking after me as it was exactly time for simpsons. having a teeth brushing, i sat back infront of the tv snugged and enjoyed my first feeel of freedomness since a good few weeks back.
justine popped by an hour or so later which was pretty cool. we got to hang out and catch up, something we haven't done in aaaagges, it was awesome. she wouldn't let me show her my awesome dog party trick but i guess there's always next time. hahaha, after having dinner, rick popped by and we all just youtubed for a bit before having to get ready and head to work.
work at the alex was pretty cool. i was actually looking forward to it especially when i hadn't worked all week. scanner duties were performed first until the super wanted me downstairs to look after the public bar. all things came back to me which reminded me of why i hated that place soo much but i guess the only thing that made it different tonight was probably just how polite everyone was, handshakes and nodds of greet were met in many directions....TBC
my tolerance for caffeine has probably increased from 100mgs to a 250mg dosage; equivalent to my 3 cans of redbull and the no-doz i just popped (i re-read the label from the thai redbulls and they're only able to produce 50mg per serve which isn't tooo flash). but i'm actually feeling alright though ay. the first lecture for physiology was pretty cruisy, especially when most of it was assessed last year in cellular molec but still, there leaves three more to go.
taking a break from study for a little while longer, i just came back from outside to get some much needed fresh air. it's soo stuffy inside here but it's much too cold to open any windows; i'll probably go and open the door in the kitchen just to get some air in here. it was good standing there on the back verandah, hands leaning on the rails which guide down the stairs, watching the moon shine brightly behind a cloudy sky, the slight breeze making my right cheek slightly colder than my left. it felt much like the experience i got from that meditation thing i talked about last night, where your in complete calmness. something i wanted to share.
buble's playing in the background from youtube and as much as it makes me want to jump around the lounge room and sing rockstarringly his lyrics, the orange laboratory manual for medical physiology seems to beam it's mesmerizing powers onto me, penetrating and controlling my own thoughts, i must study, i must study now.
so here we are, at the end of this journey, well the beginning of the final end anyways. got back an hour or so from my break i had with janice, bondy and ray where we met up at sunnybank to have a feed and catch up. it was awesome, having slept for about 5 hours after that exam this morning (which went pretty alright), the most slept i have had in about 5 days, served awesome refreshnesssss.
so day 4 has come, in about 9 hours i'll have an exam that i'm gonna probably fail if i don't start cramming as hard as i can for the last few lectures. i reckon i just got the equivalent of about an hours sleep just then. i felt that i needed to have an hours rest so i decided to use it for sleep. my alarm was set for 12:30 and after tossing and turning in the lounge room i found myself relocated to the middle room of the house, our little study room we made. a 20 flew by and i was still unable to find any speck of sleep so i decided to do what i always do in times of sleep searching...turning to an attempt at meditation; people do say that meditation is high up there for methods of relaxation and you only need a few minutes of it as well.
hands flat facing down beside me, i lied on my back and closed my eyes. i concentrated on my toes first and tensed them as hard as i could and relaxed. i moved up until my eyebrows were the only thing left to be tensed and i did it all over again. a sense of total physical calmness was felt to prepare for the unwinding of the mind. i thought of all i could that was bothering me and assessed each situation and in my mind physically set it aside acknowledging that this is a problem in my life though i will deal with it later. after the last problem was acknowledged, i gathered (in my mind it seemed like each problem was represented by a piece of paper) and put them all into a glass vase enclosed by a large cork stopper. i thought of a place i could store the vase, somewhere i would never remember unless i started looking (i guess symbolizing once you prioritize problems, you only find them when you need to deal with them). i felt completely control yet out of control in a rather unconscious state of well being.
it proved good use, i'm back to cramming my lecture on NSAIDS, Antihistamines and Drug Metabolism...wish me luck!
day 3 of my mid semester cram today and i'm able to cross off maths for ever! i reckon that although last nights cram did serve good purpose, the cheat sheet i created would of even allowed a primary school student to pass. i feel bad now but that's one thing over and done with especially when most of my worries stemed from maths. that's definately one lesson i learnt, don't be complacent ay, i remember my environmental studies lecturer always telling us that. i was depending way too much on previous studies ay. in the end i guess you get what you deserve ay, nothing less and certainly nothing more.
my little sleep i had after the exam made me feel a little groggy especially after the massive meal i had before it. i'm definately gonna try and calm down on the caffeine and eat a bit more reguarly though ay, i feel a slight uncomfortablness in my gut, hopefully i haven't developed some mild stomach ulcer. pharmacology will be top priority today even though it's only 20% compared to physiology. there's just so much to learn for pharm ay, and knowing from the past quizzes, the marks aren't too easy to come by either.
i saw justine today. it was the first ever time i had seen her coming from uni on the goodwill. as a matter of fact, it was probably the first ever time i had seen her at uni. had a little chat there on the middle of the bridge where we both complained about how much uni sucks while dodging bikes as they were hoooning past us (told ya we should of kept to the left). seeing her actually made me miss everyone. locked away in this cave of mine, the only real contact i've made with anyone would of been seeing phuccie and rick for that minute half or so hours. without myspace and my phone, i would of probably been rumoured rotting somewhere in a lake, but even with it, i'm limited to only the few who use that type of communication anyway; janice, tn, cassie. hahaha. but sometimes i like it, especially when you so reguarly see a person and you start to lose the effort in keeping in contact with them. its good to get that message or phone call from someone you haven't talked to in ages and i reckon the sender feels just as happy.
i'm listening to a bit of oldschool lifehouse at the mo cause my horoscope reckons listening to music today will make me enjoy it much more. as a matter of fact, i do actually enjoy it alot more than i usually do. maybe it's because all i've been doing today is hitting the books pretty hard and haven't really found proper time to wind down.
i haven't youtubed hardly as much as i have been, and with the redbull i had this morning the wings it actually gave, carried me above my books all day; i'm being carried by two sets of wings atm. i had dinner with mum today which was pretty cool. i'm not quite sure of the last time we did but today just felt pretty special really ay. we reminisced of the good old days and comforted each other for the future that's to come. it's really tight at the moment, especially with sewing season for shirts slowly coming to a halt and having exams just round the corner, like i've complained before, it's gonna hurt real bad in the few weeks to come.
mum always said stick to it and i've always followed that philosophy. i always dream that tomorrow, from some kind of fate, i'll buy that first ever lottery ticket and win. i could think of a million ways to spend the money but i guess when reality finally catches up to me, would having the money even change a thing? i know i'm a bit over myself, having you know i'm probably the poorest dude out there at the moment but truthfully, other than having the weekly bills paid for what say, a few years, would it really help me and give me the opportunity to concentrate on building myself to become who i ultimately want to be?
sometimes i wish i were in hardships from the start of my life. nothing can be a true lesson unless it bores your mental mind and destroys you physically. something you work long and hard for and come so desperately close to failure everytime. something which puts you in a state of mind everyday of your living life, where succeeding is only comfronted by another opportunity to fail, that, solely is a lesson i'ld rather be taught. i'm not quite sure even if i had all i wanted at the moment that i would be completely satisfied.
so a few hours later, i sit warm and snuggled in the lounge room with a hot cup of milo in my hands. i'm watching futurama now and it seems like both the cold and flu tablets and the thailand red bull i had prior, have pretty much metabolised and are preparing for excretion. the bodies slowly losing it's battle against gravity and the mind wanders much but mostly between whether i'll be able to survive another few days of this or if i fail anything this week i'm stuffed.
i think sleep is probably what i'll do next though only probably after a half or so of more mind wandering, some of which i'll be able to express through this post. i always try to do that though. after a long nights study, its always good to end your night by doing something absolutely non releated to what you had learnt. as well as letting you de-stress a little and keep your mind sharp (i reckon i'ld go more crazy if equations and drug symptoms where going through my mind 24/7) it helps you relax i guess, well i read it somewhere on a forum about sleep.
man, have i gotten that crazy. crazy enough to do an internet search on how to get better sleep. sometimes i really wonder ay, about everything ay. i remember someone telling that the difference between an insane person and a sane person is that they dont' question whether or not they insane. i really hope that's true ay and not the other way around cause i always think i'im going a little loopy. waking life is probably one of my favourite movies and it scares the shit out of me every night i go for those long drives. i've posted before somewhere about being alive when asleep and to comfort myself by making sure i'm alive, i check a clock and make sure it changes. i think just that gives me 'some' reason to think that i've lost it a bit but maybe everyones a little bit like that.
whoa, i really do apoligize for where this rant ended up, i guess when your mind wanders, you really can lose yourself in your thoughts. i'll keep this post to compare myself after the holidays, hopefully my posts don't resemble anything like this one or else i'll definately know that i'm going crazy.
maths was on the agenda today and i've only managed to get through the first lecture before yet again, getting interupted. it was a good interuption though, the sleep served a pretty good 5 hours of rest which i'm really quite unsure how i managed to get. after brushing my teeth for the second time in the day, i continued to work through the dreadful pages of function explanations, limits and continuities which ripped my brain apart with boredom (half the stuff can just be plotted and figured out that way, i don't need the explanations to be honest). hahaha, after a goood shower and a half of tele, i jumped back onto the maths to finish a few questions.
i found myself in the car driving, on my way to sunnybank where i promised to meet up with phuccie and rick for a late night feed over at the sushi train there. it was actually half decent especially since it was 9 but that's probably where the only decent thing in my day began and finished. after having the sniffles for a few hours before, it seemed as though my slight interaction with the outside world has given me the curse of the sneezing plague where i continuously sneezed from outside market square to probably about a few minutes back (i've found that not breathing helps). hopefully the shot of codeine, paracetomol and pseudoephidrine (my pharmacy peers can feel proud for picking out the spelling mistakes) will help rid me of this unbearable pain (slight annoyance).
in getting sick of maths, i've decided to concentrate on studying my pharmacology which has proved to settle my flu to a slight sneeze every few minutes, maybe it's the thought of pharmacology that calms me, maybe a new remedy?
coming to conclusion, i believe that as my symptoms for the flu have resided due to an increase in interaction between student (myself) and pharmocology notes, the use of pharmocology notes can be used to treat symptoms of flu caused by flu symptom stimuli such as maths and the stress brought upon by the inability to study during the semester resulting in cramming of notes a few days before exams.
i think my drugs are talking.
continuing my little rant after coming back from a bit of study, why is it that people (me) cannot commit to a simple few hours of study. i'm not quite sure what's wrong with me but the few hours since my last post, after finishing my physiology catch up, i decided to take a little break and open up my biochem prac book and finish the prac i just completed today which is due next monday. why is it that something (prac) which i would not even start to touch until the day before it's due can be a substitute for much needed study revision for my exams in the next few days. kind of reminds me of that simpsons episode where bart would rather do algebra than start writing about his history paper.
nonetheless, i guess doing my biochem and getting it out of the way gives me more opportunity to work on other study and not havomg to worry about it later on; i reckon i'll be stoked as hit sunday when i realise that i've already completed the prac. my exams start thursday and end on saturday morning, yay. i've still to touch maths, which i'll probably glance over in the next few minutes after this post and pharmacology is really starting to shit me off; not that it's boring or anything, there's just so much workload.
having the next two days off uni is pretty cool though, i reckon i'll have a read around on maths now and start revising for it tomrorow morning doing some questions. i'll probably hit up physiology and have a good read of pharmacology while i'm at it. by wednesday i'll hopefully would of done most of my maths and be able to revise it for my exam. thursday i'll finish off pharmacology and friday night i guess without work i'll be able to study physiology....hopefully it all works out.
waking up just an hour or so back, i've realized that it's that time of the year again where people hide away in their little caves and cram for those finals, wait a minute....
if my mind isn't play tricks on me, to my calculations, it's only probably about april? man, i'm absolutely going crazy with these exams ay, and i don't reckon i'm alone. this 2nd/ 3rrd year of uni definately linearly correlates with stress and difficultly levels ay. i just can't wait till this weeks over so i can go and fish my brains out. i've taken work for both jobs off this week (i'm not quite sure how i'm gonna survive in a few weeks though because of the drop income) but i'm not gonna waste another year with a possiblity of failure in some homogay subject i could of passed if it weren't for work. no chances taken this year ay.
on another thought though, i think the pass happenings at work probably gives me much reason to take a break anyway. none the less, it's in the past, and i guess you ought to expect something of such a degree in this type of industry anyway, don't ya? but it does make you think when high testosterone ridden males have a need to express their egotistical selves to people they think that care in the form of violence which, other than abling to show it in some kind of heroic way, needs a dozen or so more testosterone filled males to "assist" in a cowardly attack on other males of similar feats. You see, the positive feedback loop begins and this my friend, will be hard to stop.
you can get used to having something
you can get used to having that something lost
can you get used to having that lost something back?
strange yeah?
