nothing special

So it has been a couple of days since the last time I posted however this time there actually is reason for such a postponed bloggage.

Even though days don't seem to be stuffed with both uni 'and' work, the last week of pretty much complete freeness (I didn't have a prac class last wednesday) I've been hard at work, fixing the car to make look a bit more like a car. For four days and the countless number of hours it encompassed, I have finally repainted the accord to a more decent colour black, one which helps me relax a little bit more when I see the occasional po po driving by these days.

Through the numerous amounts of wetsanding, wax and grease rinsing, priming, base coating and clear coating, I definitely could not have done it without the efforts of phuccie whom helped me tape her up and drive me around Brisbane to get the parts to get her sorted. Despite the fact that phuccie complained about how I slave laboured him, hopefully the couple of fishing lures I gave him in return paid him back a little (he'll probably be more than happy to use the slave labour excuse next time he lends me a hand, that bloody bastard!)

With a bit of a wetsanding of the clear coat and a buff and a polish and a wax, hopefully she'll look just out of the shop. Hopefully.

I finally got my protein I ordered a week or so back but in tasting my first shake, the wait was definitely worth while. So in regards to protein, I've also stepped up the training with Martin where both him and I broke the 25 and 37.5 kilogram chest dumb bell barriers respectively. Another achievement that I definitely am proud of is finally reaching the 110 mark at a final after workout weight of 110.4 while maintaining weight on strength training.

What a way to spend a birthday hey. Ohh yeah, my birthday just passed over from yesterday and was enjoyed starting with a little hon-ing with the crew, a little uni, a sleep and a quiet one which ended at maccas eating chicken mcnuggets.

Love you guys and love the gifts ya got me.

I'm off to watch some big bang theory and hopefully fall asleep dreaming of happy things. G'night Mr Internets.

one one one point four.

Year 2010 is the year of the tiger and apparently it's not much of a good year for us dragons. As I have already experienced, a few noticeable things have happened which may help confirm this little horoscope prediction.

While typing this post, I am doing so on my little sisters old vaio as my laptop decided that I wouldn't be bored enough with uni holidays just starting; she died. But the thing which made it worst was the fact that it would turn on and operate normally for about 10 percent of the time which got me to question whether or not I should fix it or just see if it fixed itself. It didn't and upon taking her to the local computer guy who usually fixes my stuff (yes, I occasionally have computer problems) I learned that he was away in Vietnam for a few weeks.

Realizing that I didn't need the computer anyways considering all I would do was work over the holidays, I happened to find myself a nice stomach bug and eatted (hahaha) it up, which put me on the toilet with massive gut cramps every 20 or so minutes for 4 days. Heaps of fun.

I absolutely treat my phone like dog shit and after fixing her up with a new case, I found that a few solders had broken off in the process and it forgot how to turn on. 150 bucks later she works like a charm and I cared for it like a baby. I am amazed at how sturdy those nokias' are made though as I've dropped it millions of times off shelves 3 or so metres high to result in barely a scratch. It's funny how the one time I actually put it down so that I wouldn't break it would be the last time it worked normally. I get too emotional just talking about it so I will just tell you that she can't slide now and I can't talk to people unless they are on loudspeaker.

It seems that however it isn't just me who's been on the bad side of luck these days. Tiens little emo decided to die on the side of the road and after some good money, and 5 weeks later, he's to pick it up monday. Martin seems to be having heaps of fun as well with his fridge breaking and taking 3 weeks to fix, his car dying and there was also something else which I can't remember; not being as sexy as me maybe?

But in all the bad, I've got to admit, the horoscope doesn't tell all truth. The diet which was working splendidly for me even though was wrecked by the bastard of the bug I ingested, the food intoxication helped me along with an extra couple of kilos considering I didn't eat much for the first couple of days. It also helped me relate to patients and with the meds the doctor gave me, I learned some useful information for mondays counselling exam on diarrhoea and constipation. My computer dying allowed me to reflect much more on myself rather than chilling out surfing the net for useless stuff, I was actually able to lie down and read some of cloudstreet that I started a year or so ago.

I also was able to grab a new screen (the one I was supposed to get a year ago) for the new substitute computer in which the screen lamp has died). And with the phone, well, I guess, there's really not much to say here....

i am now 112.9 before training.......
i am now a tamer of the mangrove jack........
i am now on holidays........


i am pretty happy at the moment!
(even though my photo doesn't show it)

So I'm finally trying to lose some weight in an attempt to complete goal 'get abs'. The past week has definitely been a hard one but in saying that, this week seems to be over already.

I looked in the mirror just that one time too much before realizing that even though my cholesterol levels are normal, my heart is going strong and that I'm much grateful for genes that grant me immunity to diabetes, despite my sweet tooth; I just didn't feel like a healthy guy. I started searching for the most healthiest and efficient ways to losing weight.

People with gifted ectomorphic metabolisms could probably scoff down whole cakes and chocolates and burn the calories off a few hours later. I found losing weight much harder and could not stand hearing about the amount of cardiovascular exercise you would have to do to burn off certain foods; I sure as shit wasn't going to do it either. Much similar to the endorsements from people claiming a particular fat loss diet worked after trying 'everything' else, I myself was a little skeptical in trying a 'carbohydrate cycling diet' I had stumbled upon.

Instead of testing how deep the water was, I dove right in, cutting my carbohydrate content to no more than 400 grams on the first day. I cut breads, pastas, starchy vegetables, sugar, sugary drinks, sugary fruits; if it had an '-ose' at the end of it, it was gone. I remember my first breakfast where I ate 3 whole eggs scrambled. It was the most dreadful thing I'd ever eaten for breakfast considering brekky was usually my largest meal of the day and it was one that I enjoyed the most.

Today I actually craved for one egg yolk in my 5 egg whites scrambled and in the 7 of so days on the carb cycle diet I've come full circle with my thoughts and am definitely a lot more informed about how my body reacts. My second day on the diet would see me cut this carb content even lower. Instead of the scarce amount of wholegrain bread I was allowed to have with my turkey and cheese sandwich, I was allowed an extra scoop of protein powder. Instead of the extra piece of fruit I was allowed with my protein shake, I was allowed an extra scoop of protein powder. It killed me by day 3 when all I could think of was what I would have for my cheat meal on Sunday.

Powering through it all, I hit the scales early on Saturday night to see if much had changed. When the scale said 116.4, I hopped back down to check if the thing was working right. Even after re-weighing myself, and again after getting Martin to weight himself to see if it was right, I was ecstatic. Not even a week after trying this diet I'd lost 1.4 kilos, down from 117.8kg. This saw me eat hard on Sunday and train even harder. Even the four pieces of KFC didn't do damage to my weight as when Tuesday came around, I dropped another 800 grams, I was now as light as I was at the end of high school, nearly 5 years ago.

I promised Martin that I would see 114 next week although in my mind, the challenge of losing the first kilo is no where near as hard as losing the next, I knew I could do it. So today, 2 days after, and a week and three quarters after my diet started, I'm at 115 flat (114.8 before training).

Check back at this space in few weeks, you'll want to start losing weight too once you find out how easy it gets.

Ly Truong, still that fat man but 2 and a half kilos lighter...

121.8 ---> 116.4

It's getting there slowly.

I've come to accept that everything happens for a reason. Despite this, what still puzzles me is why some happenings only happen to certain people. I don't understand the reasoning behind how luck or fate works but I can confirm that the spinning arrow of chance usually lands on me.

A quick wiki search came up with a list of cognitive biases which may describe my mental behavior but even though my mind might make more connections through coincidences of random life happenings, and it's neglect on the rather 'good' moments in life, I still reckon that classing them as coincidences just doesn't really explain it. Confused? I am.

Let me give you a few examples. As I've blogged about recently, the boat progress has been going on at quick pace. We completed her last Tuesday after I got her registered and finalized a few other little things. Our main run in was scheduled for Sunday that week over at the port of Brisbane but being so excited that we finished the boat ahead of time, we planned a pre-launch the following night.

Martin and Phuc got first dibbs for the first launch which was to take place at 9:30pm after Phuccie had finished work that night. Martin invited Paul to go for a fish as they both finished uni together at 6:30 and would have time to head home, grab a feed and then get ready. Everything was just coming together; we just never realize that tomorrows fate would just make things seem like they were supposed to happen.

Fate got the best out of all parties the next morning when I finished my morning prac early and both Phuccie and Martin and Paul decided that they skip work/ uni that afternoon; I received their phone messages shortly after I had finished my prac class. We did the final checks on the trailer and boat safety gear and we were off to the Brisbane River, the first run of the white beast, it's resurrection after the 5 or so years of us sitting around wishing we had a boat to go fishing in; my dream, our dream.

To be continued....

Most of us started the QUT university year last week however due to my laziness in attending lectures, it started this week when I attended my first tutorial for the year. It's been a pretty hectic year so far, disregarding the fact that I've only got 2 subjects this term, keeping up with uni and juggling the two jobs I've kept since last year as well as my vast amount of interest in pretty much everything has been pretty full on.

It's always the little things which add up that take most of your time away. The hour or so long allocation I give to centrelink every Monday lets me question whether it's actually worth the 60 or so bucks they give me. I hate being there, especially when I know half the people standing in line with me don't actually need it; beggars can't be choosers hey?

I think most of my time is spent traveling to places. The hour or so trip it takes to get to uni in the morning is absolutely terrible, considering it takes only a quarter of the time to get home. There's also work 5 days a week to and from work and the occasional trip to sunnybank for a feed or the gym for a workout.

With time such a restraint this past week, I'm left wondering why I've gotten so much more done with such limited free time. Holidays flew by occupied by work 5 days a week and sleep probably took up a major part of the free time left over. We've hit the gym more than we had during holidays and Phuccie and I worked on the boat for the first time since holidays started; we finished it in 2 half days of work.

I seems like this year is slowly kicking off. Can't wait to see what happens in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully I'll learn to time manage more effectively and tick more of those blooody goals off. Ciao

Uni started for me this week and upon my procrastination to catch up on the lectures that I didn't attend, I was searching through my old hard-drive to find pictures I could photoshop experiment with; it starts early this year don't you reckon?

I was bludging a few days ago looking for supplements until I stumbled on some photoshop tutorials (pretty random hey?) and thought it was something neat to try. Instead of hitting the gym tonight and with my enthusiasm for playing a few hours of games saved only for my lonesome self, I decided to reward myself with a night at home doing absolutely anything I wanted. With my gym buddy Martin coming down with a rather severe cold, the past couple of workouts just haven't been the same without him. Nonetheless gym is gym however you look at it; tonight I just couldn't be arsed.

After doing a few lomo modifications and getting pretty bored with it, I decided to browse the millions of old photos I had on my hard-drive. I also remembered last Friday during work, when the lyrics to Otherside by The Red Hot Chili Peppers were stuck in my head and that I promised myself I would find time to just chill out listening to their album. I did so while clicking through my old high school albums, which brought me back to a time I wished so dearly to relive.

Much like the photos of old birthdays and south bank soccer photos, The Red Hot Chili Pepers brought just as many memories back. I remember Track 6 it was, Californication, which pumped from our cabin (number 2) on a late spring afternoon, sun just about to set while our class of Mr Crowleys grade 7s were fielding in a game of cricket against everyone else. In the middle of the student cabins lie a field of grass which was greener than green and so soft between the toes that you would actually notice it. With the background noises consisting of wave breaks and birds feeding on little insects, and the smell of the preparation of our dinner slowly drifting from the kitchen to the field, this, this is what I compare many of my greatest memories to; none have ever made me feel this good, not yet.

As I listened through the album, I reached the final song, 'Road Trippin' where I remember being young and how much I hated this song. For some reason I just couldn't relate to it interpreting it as a song to get away, away from the beautiful memories I had made. But now, upon listening to it, I am reminded of my more recent past, the memories of NZed which I was coincidentally already viewing. The memories of getting away, away from home to see the world, make new friends and find a home away from home.

I was brought back to reality by Colas little growl sulk, and although I was a little sad of how time passed by so quickly, Jack Johnsons' Do you remember sort of put me in an appreciative mood although not directly through his lyrics. I do have a slight feeling of content knowing how much joy I get reminiscing about the past. I mean, a few years from now, I'd probably think of how much I would give to come back to today.

I promise myself to dust off my old camera and start recording some memories. I swear whenever it's out, priceless happenings usually occur, it must have magical powers......

Sunday the 24^th of January was a day which showed both one of my lowest and highest points in life. After the many stories of the few friends who wondered up the four and a half or so thousand steps of pain that is Mt Warning, we decided to give it a crack last weekend. As confident as I sounded the few Friday nights before talking to Ross about it, I had no idea how much trouble I was getting myself into.

We packed lunch early morning and what we thought a good supply of water and headed up Mt warning around 1030 or so. The drive down to warning was beautiful to say the least. Rolling green hills broken by great hanging cliffs followed the clear rocky rivers, so clear that schools of fish were visible. Happy spirits were presented mostly by myself and turned to silence only 400 meters up. Every step I took was a different one, changing between angles and heights and depths of the rock following. The path circled the mountain base endlessly and upon reaching the half way mark of 2.2 kilometers, it no longer was only physically demanding but mentally, it drained.

But powering on, step after step, lactic acid building with each stride, it wasn’t long after that thoughts of giving up were starting to creep into my head. I hated every person who came down past us. So much hope lost to effortless lies of those whom I trusted when they said we were nearly there.

15 minutes, 5 minutes; it took us nearly half an hour to finally reach what I thought was the end. Breaks in the canopy of endless rainforest showed exactly how high we really were with ribbons of light clouds swirling beneath us and tops of mountains, dark blue lakes and a continual platelet of green shades which coloured in between. No longer is there shade from above of the fanned out leaves of ferns, but now, as the sun beat down on us, what lied ahead was the biggest challenge.

The last leg of the hike was 200 meters up which inclined more than 45 degrees at points. There was a chain to the right to help assist those heading up but I found crawling up on all fours was much more easier. When I finally reached the top, no energy to even walk, let alone take in the sights, I found a shady area under a bush and lied motionless for a few moments. Even the 4 or so ants which bit me everywhere didn’t move me. I stumbled over to where the gang was calling me to find a platform, with a nice up breeze to cool my tooshie I found a place to get some sleep. We took a few photos to prove we had made it and with a little sip of water and a feed on bacon and egg rolls, we headed back down, taking less than half the time it took to get up.

The day ended with a relaxing afternoon at Wooyung and a feed at Yatala pies on the way home. Such an experience it was and I’m glad to have gone through it because now I will never EVER do it again.

Maybe when I’m a little bit more fit, Maybe.

So I was out of internet for a couple of weeks back because of my quota problems but I didn't forget to blog.

27th January, 2010

The past couple of weeks have taught me a few very valuable lessons.

1. Great friends are ones that cannot be distinguished between family. A friend is someone who knows your name and you know theirs. A great friend is one who’s been there at your lowest, and celebrated with you at your highest.

2. Great friends much like family can get pissed at you and you both have to solve it together and let time heal wounds.

3. Nothing is greater than your dreams. Life happenings can make dreams drift and forgotten but nothing is more satisfying than reviving your motivations and striving for your goals.

4. There are always idiots which make your life harder. Just don’t be tempted to become one.

5. It can take years for someone to love you, but an instant for them to hate you.

6. With positive thoughts, there are positive doings.

7. Life goes on.

Back home now from a good nights work which began at the 6er and finished at the gym, I'm feeling a little depressed wondering if there's anything that can make life a little more fulfilling. I think it's more boredom though considering I haven't really done much with myself for a few weeks now. 'Relaxing' on the holidays just doesn't seem to cut it really.

I searched pretty much 'how to make life more fulfilling' and through the many pages that came up, I found the answer summed up in a Nickleback song. I guess its not so much an answer, but it did stir up some brain jigglies. Yes I hear the moans and groans and I still am clueless as to why so many people hate them but who cares what other people think right?

Hope this helps you find new light. It has for me.

So I decided to have a sleep on the opposite side of the bed last night and had one of the worst nightmares I've had in a long time.

There I was standing near a cliff face, and an argument was going on about something between two girls whom had now been surrounded by a group that formed. I ignored most of what was going on and made my way to the bottom of the cliff (very much like kangaroo point) in which suddenly one of the girls in a laundry basket fell, I tried my hardest to direct her and the basket to the side just before she hit the ground to decrease the momentum but it did very little.

Being too afraid to lift up the basket, I stepped back and in doing so, noticed blood dripping from my face and in my hair, her blood. Still very calm, I made my way back up to where the original argument happened and just as I got there, the other girl jumped.

I woke up scared and still am. Still trying to figure out what it all means, I'm pretty superstitious. Lets see how I go tonight.

After only watching half of the Sandlot kids DVD that Bondy had brought over Friday arvo, I decided to finish it before going to bed that night. I must say I enjoyed it just as much as I did in 2nd grade when we rented it out from the now non-existent block buster down the road; old school VHS for a buck (7 weekly's for seven bucks).

I can't believe that even after so many years, I can still remember most of what happen; mind you, I probably watched that movie at least a hundred times. I remember the first baseball glove dad brought home from the flea market a few weeks later after realizing how much I loved baseball. Growing up in Australia didn't give me much of a chance to really get into it considering most of the neighborhood kids grew up with cricket but I still loved it. I loved it so much that when dad finally did bring home that baseball mitt, I begged and pleaded him to bring home a helmet. When he brought a cricket helmet home, I took off the grills on the front and wore it everywhere.

My sister and I would take turns wearing the mitt while throwing tennis balls at each other. It always gave mum grief when she found our pant knees stained green with little holes in them, (usually from slide practice) but I guess she was more relieved that we didn't have knee grazes stained red (she just didn't see them). I always dreamed to be like Benny back then. I loved baseball and even though I had never played a single game in my entire life, I knew I was good at it. It became life, it wasn't just a game anymore.

Every afternoon after getting home from school I would unpack my bag and take my baseball mitt out. Even though I never played with it when I was at school, it always gave me joy to just put it on and feel it for a few seconds, whenever I missed it. The smell of real leather and the weird smell it put on my hands when I took the glove off are ones I'll remember forever. When I put the glove on, I was Benny.

So when I got home, still in my uniform I pulled her out and put her on. No after school supper, no shower, no nintendo, there was just no time. I'd run out to the back yard to find 'the ball', one of many dozens of tennis ball lying around (the bouncy one with plenty of fur on it) to throw as high as I could in the air and attempt to catch it first go. The majority of the time the ball would land dead straight centre inside the glove, I mean, how hard is it to catch a ball that's thrown straight up in the air. But the days where the ball was let go just a little too late and ended up on the roof or an attempted slide missed the ball upon its contact with a surrounding obstacle, or nothing seemed too right, I would make sure I practiced that little bit harder because I knew if I wanted to be as good as Benny, I couldn't miss any catch.

I remember the day when I trialed for my first softball team at school. Even though it was softball and only minor differences were observed compared to baseball, it was as close as I would get to playing baseball. I had been waiting for so long for the chance to show what my practice had transformed me into. I stepped up to the plate, bat in hand and at full swing I hit my first home run. I did the dummy back to third after attempting to run to home which fooled those who hadn't played the game before. After the many years between then and now, I still cannot think of a time were I actually fulfilled the phrase 'step up to the plate' as much as I did that softball trial.

I remember as I grew older, the passion for baseball slowly died and became more and more a game to me. Although I can't pinpoint the exact time I started to lose interest, I think it was when life started to become a little clearer to me. When you start learning more about the world, it starts to disappoint you. I was no longer Benny when I hopped onto the softball ring with bat in hand because at every base there was another Benny, trying to become the best. Even though I hit a hat trick one game against serviceton state school, my dream was swallowed when we got smashed 30 runs to 1 against the murray school which was coincidentally, the first time I was actually scared to bat.

Although I learned of disappointment early, I guess I understand how important it is to try your hardest at everything you do. And if its not meant to be, then it's not meant to be; and you can at least admit that you tried your best.

Man I miss being young. I need to learn from my old self and get back on track.

Come back and teach me 14 year old Ly :|

Another year has past, and another year has begun and even though it's just another day ticking over to another, I do feel a little different.

This year, I spent my early hours of the new year with close friends up on a mountain watching terrible terrible fireworks. They probably wouldn't have been so bad if we had realized that anything seen from 20 or so kilometers away would look pretty small, no matter where you see them from. But none the less, it was an experience needed and one that we will never do again.

As the clock ticked over to twelve and the fireworks filling the minuscule sky viewed from on top of Mt Cootha, we decided that the fireworks weren't worth a half an hour trip down the mountain stuck behind traffic, so we legged it.

Yelling, well more like screaming loud 'Happppppppp-py New Year!!!' to the few we thought would return one, down the mountain brought tears of laughter to my eyes and made me realize that I stressed way way too much over how old I was getting last year.

We had our first maccas for the year and played games at IPM, what a way to start off the New Year hey.....

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Phuccie popped by over in the morning, not even giving me time to get out of bed to get some pants on (mind you, my laptop was right next to me so there was no real 'urgent' need for it anyway') and we talked fishing for a while. We decided to go have a fish to start the new year as well as begin our 'fishing comp' which ends sometime around July.

We finished the night with Phuccie landing 2 flatties, myself a bream and a half, Quangie a bream and phuccies dead flatty which he got disqualified for and bondy with a donut. We ended the start of our new year with a few games of Hon.

What a way to start the new year, one filled with the things we love to do. Hopefully it will be a good year, it's been a decent start so far.

HAPPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

May it be a year full of fun and enjoyment and one filled with many good memories. Good bye 2009, hello twenty-ten.

I finally reached it, 77 posts; more posts than last year.

And yes, this post counts, even though I cheated,

I make the rules....

Man, I love my little rottie so muuuuuccch!!

I couldn't imagine a day without her to be real honest. She's the only thing in the world that makes me happy on the days when life feels more dreadful than usual.

If only everyone could love like a dog loves their master, I reckon the world would be a much much better place.

So I've sorted out the majority of things which needed to be done this year to have any attempt at making this coming year a more pleasant one. One thing I did learn today were that if everyone were as nice to me as the lady at Centrelink was, I'd probably be a lot less miserable.

I've actually never mentioned being on the benefit have I, but if you didn't know by now that I'm a hole in the wallet, poorer than grubby finger nails then you have no idea. I very much appreciate what the government does for the under privileged and I can definitely hear whispers saying that they aren't so much under privileged, just lazy.

I agree and agree to disagree considering my own situation and how much even a couple of bucks a fortnight can help. If it weren't for the benefit, I really doubt we would be anywhere near how fortunate we are now, I mean, that's what gets the bills paid when you can't. But I do very well agree to those who believe that our taxes are used to pay those who have both arms and legs to move them off their lazy arses to find work but refuse to.

I'm not so much angry but I do believe it's unfair to those who work hard and spend little to barely survive even with government assistance. Maybe I should just be a doll bludger, makes life a little easier hey.

Stuff that, I couldn't imagine getting something for nothing. For every dollar I receive from Centrelink, you can be sure that I will return it in the near future when I turn into that successful Pharmacist the country helped create. Don't worry mum, I'll help you too!

Sometimes I hate preparing for the worst.

I'm always dissapointed; in a good way.

Today is the 28th and in a few days it's going to be 20-10. I can't believe that this year has gone by so fast! I mean, I only just remember sitting there by my lonesome self watching the fireworks end 2008 on the tube.

I've always believed that with every new year came new challenges and opportunities but both these came to those who are willing to look for them. I've found that for some reason, every-time the new year came round, it was much easier to forget the little things that bugged me during the year and to hypothetically turn a new leaf, start fresh. But as much as I ponder and linger to think of the new things I'll do differently this year, I'm actually contemplating whether I should even think about them, considering how this year turned out.

Reading last years new year 'resolution' has got me a little disappointed knowing that pretty much all of what I said I'd do differently this year, went the exact same way. Laziness was my number 1 habit to lose however I don't think I've ever been more lazy.

I can definitely attribute most of my 'uncompleted' (failed seems such a harsh word) tasks to laziness. I promised to quit security, reduce the hours at the sixer and find another job in which paid more and was more enjoyable; which never happened. Being lazy probably got me to end the year with the lowest GPA I've ever had with my first 'fail' in a subject. And being lazy has definitely put a toll on my health; I can't even remember the last time I gymed.

I know that sitting here and thinking about all the things I can improve on from last year would probably make this post near endless, but an episode of scrubs reminded me that sometimes you have to give yourself a break (I actually do wish someone would say that to me sometimes though). Yes I was lazy, and yes this year has probably been one where life didn't progress too much forward, but in the end, I guess there is a difference between acknowledgment and changing and being just sad about it.

I really am not sure if I will change this year but I do know for a fact that I will try harder. Lets welcome 20-10 with our arms wide open!!!!!!

So it's nearly another year past and even though it surely doesn't feel like it, holidays seem to be much closer to an end then ever. The BBQ last sunday felt like a success with most things going by without much of a hassle (the rain sort of broke my heart for a little while but the rummies and beams I had with the boys took all that pain away).

The cow was beautiful but the company I'ld have to admit, determines how any night will turn out. You'll still hear me talk about how grateful I am to still have a good bunch of mates who congregate every couple of times a year to tell lies and listen to them, but why not? It's good how everyone just gets along ay, even though half of them have only heard stories of the other half. Ray got onto me for not 'officially' introducing him to a few of the guys but having met everyone at least more than once before, most of our stories have been shared.

We have a couple of additions this year but with it, a few did leave but that's just life though hey? I think I've actually grown up a little to understand that not all good things in life can and will last forever. You have to hold onto what is left and just let it go when it leaves.

I've been thinking a little less than usual this past week or so and it's probably got to do with how drunk blind I was Sunday night and the intense hangover endured the next day. Now that my head is a little more rested I feel as though I should be thinking about things, I feel weird not though. Maybe I need it? I feel that sometimes I'm too stressed out about things I over analyzed about which is pretty much everything. I've made a plan to stop thinking until the new year starts; a decent enough break I hope.

We'll see how it goes. Hoping for happy holidays all round, I'll come back to update on this no thinking thing probably sooner than later. Take it easyyyy.

So yes, I have been a little stressed out the past couple of weeks with little things here and there compounding to my already long list of worries but none the less, most of them have resolved (considering the majority of them involved the organizing of an end of year BBQ b'day bash for Martin and Phuccie).

I absolutely hate organizing things these days and I really do wonder why I enjoyed it so much when I was younger. I'll probably feel a little more relieved though knowing that tomorrow even though might not turn out in the best possible way; will definitely be better than having organized nothing at all.

We've got a baby cow going on the roaster at around 3, mums salads and springs rolls along with cooked prawns and oysters scattered around somewhere abouts and guests will hopefully start turning up around 4.

I can't wait for it to start hey,,,,,

My to do for tomorrow:
1. Get 5 bags of coal
2. Bring out tables to the backyard
3. Set up some beats
4. Set up some lights
5. Gather the chairs
6. Drink heaps
7. Eat heaps
8. Get blind

just an excerpt from an e-mail i sent to a mate down in adelaide;

With holidays here you’d think that we’d be doing a fair bit of fishing ay, but it seems that everyone’s more caught up with work now that uni is over; it seems the same to me though considering how much I actually did go to uni.

Marks for us came out yesterday and I passed which I’m pretty stoked about ay. Was stressing hard about it especially when I crammed the whole semester in a couple of nights (don’t we all though ay). Probably have to go see the unit coordinator though to beg and plead him to let us do the extra subjects I need, next year instead of prolonging my course for another one.

I haven’t seen much of anyone else since holidays started ay. I fished with phuccie a fair bit down the coast that first week but other than catching small flatties and breambos, nothing much. Phuccies back on his drought after that good session he had that time you came down with us. He’s been a sook lately though and an unlucky bastard at that too. I got a call from him one Sunday arvo (which was a blood stinker mind you) saying that his baby Ferrari had died and that he was in the middle of the road between tackle warehouse and the city waiting for the towie to come. He had turned the air con on and she died at the lights turning right; got the guy behind him to help push (man, sounds a bit familiar hey). Ended up being his distributor but it doesn’t end there hey. We hit a few new spots on the brissie river that night with Quangie and Bondy and after Phuccie lost his lure by noob casting onto a bridge, he lost the tip of his T-curve when the cunt closed my door on it.

He was fucking pissed hey man! It was sooo funny ay, I made it soo much worst though ay. He didn’t say anything again after replying to my ‘why did you close the door on it for?’ with a ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN”. Bro, it was gold man but I feel sorry for the bastard ay. Before we got into the car as well, I asked the cunt if he wanted to put his gear into the boot but he said nah, he’ll take it into the car and then do a superman and jump out when he gets home….fucking hilarious man.

After dropping him off we hit the west end bbc sheds after catching a few livies. A good half or so with no action Bondys rod bends like my rod bent after hitting that threadie off of Sydney street. Not long after, Quangie was on and then my rod started to pull drag! All three of us on live prawns were onto something massive or so we thought anyways. Holding my rod, and a landing net, Quangie pulled the cunt in with his massive shark gear with ease. To our surprise it was a STONKER, catty, definitely worthy of a BRC competitor. As I huffed and puffed with my rod, Quangie ran back down to help out bondy whom was still on with the fight, only to find that it too was a massive catfish and I myself, ashamed, hooked one too. Photos on bondys page does not do the fish justice; they measured 60+ and we actually kept them.

We headed over to a spot down further where only a few nights before I got hit with the biggest jewie I’ve ever seen in the river. A tap tap on my first cast with the natural banana prawn, it ran and I set the hook. My drag set on light; mind you my new rod is no more than a 3 kilo breambo combo with a 3000 shimano on it, it surfaced. The cunt was fucking huge! Quangie and Bondy can vouch as well being at ‘least’ legal. But much like the threadies when they see more shallow waters, the bastard dove and ran and there went my line. After I hooked a live mullet on Bondys rod, he caught the same cunt again and ended with the same story.

So in went the banana prawn again in natural with my normal 1/8 jiggo, my line went slack and for a second I was about to tighten until the rod bent over. Bondy has a vid of me fighting the bastard which ended up being a 58cm jewie; calling the thing ‘fat’ was underestimating it but instead of keeping her for a feed, I let her go to fight another day (sounds familiar hey?) The night started to slow until we noticed that our live prawns were getting smashed; the heads were getting chomped off every one we would throw down. Decreasing our gear to smaller hooks and sinkers, we found that they were breambo when Quangie landed two decent 27+ brembos; not bad for the Brisbane river.
The night was getting quiet and I was getting tired but the boys seemed so keen with Bondy catching catfish all night, I decided to pack up and watch them.

Quangie being quangie began to fillet the catties and use them as bait. After throwing a few fish carcasses down the river and throwing his filleted catfish bait out, unexpected, his rod shoots from vertical to just past horizontal with the drag as light as shit as well. After the couple of seconds or so with something massive on its end, the metal trace gave way and we were shocked to think it was most likely a shark. Nearly losing a second rod, Quangie caught bondys rod mid air and it ended the same way; metal trace gone and main line frayed.

Quangie set up again and within seconds of throwing out his bait, he landed a 48cm cod which made me jealous as shit; it was beautiful man. That ended the night.

man, i need a new job hey

A few recent fishing photos

officially on holidays (started a week ago)
officially finished uni for the year (started a week ago)

officially sick of work (started a year ago, but finally realized that i need something better to do)

first bird that gets the morning worm,
but the second mouse that gets the cheese.

get rid of the baggage. i'll try and get down a few lectures before coming back here.

- stop facebooking
- stop watching tv
- stop looking at fishing gear
- stop checking hotmail

-start focusing!

Now that that is out of the way, I can actually talk about how life is in a more positive view. Damn, I never actually thought venting like that would make me feel so much better.~~~

So life is kind of slow at the moment. University exams are finally here and while we have been in SWATVAC for what seems like so long, I've only just realized that it's nearly over and have no progress into studying whatsoever. Pharmacogenomics is apparently the first exam I have on the 6th and although all semester it has been a kind of do and guess type of subject, the final seems to be quite straight forward. Study the 5 lectures he's given us and pass.

I actually did hit the books last night and smashed down 2 lectures, very briefly. I skimmed over therapeutics the other night and all i can say is that in the week coming up to that exam, it will be nothing short of hectic......(too hungry and tired to continue).....

so i am here to chuck a sook about all the little stupid things that have made my day just that little bit worst....

1. mum never picking up the bloody home fone.

2. stupid people stealing the hot water i boiled to eat the last mi goreng i was intending to eat.

3. stupid people

4. people who use the 'internets' or 'apparent reliable sources' to show how smart they are to the dumbest things

5. people with no common sense

6. people who complain about things they can change but can't be arsed to do anything about. (yes i hate myself).

7. mummas boys

8. people who don't appreciate advice (at least respect it if you ask for it)

9. people who can't take 'conservative' criticism

10. have i said stupid people yet?

Taurine + Ginseng + B Vitamins + Guarana =


hopefully a finished assignment and some more......

hey, who is this your probably thinking, or not,.... but yes, it actually is me. back from resurrection and although life seems to be a little boring at the moment, i've still got a bit to express, haven't i always though ay?

my new flame of passion for fishing has been lit and burning ever so brightly for the past couple of months. other than the countless amounts of catties our little brissie river often provides us, we've managed to learn it's little secret and unlock the many mysteries of the once so hated. able to catch my first ever jewie just a few months back with the help of an old mate quang, and landing a few monsters since then, what i've learnt has definitely guaranteed that i'll catch fish when i'm 90.

apparently i've considered myself a 'tamer' of the brisbane river now that i've caught it's biggest secret the threadfin salmon and yeah yeah, i know, you've all done it before but it's definitely something i'll never forget in a hurry. not only did the 90 or so centimeter make a satisfied feed for more than a few people, in catching it, it's taught me so much more about the way i've been living and so much more about how i should change it.

my second brain is always reminding me that if i put even a little percentage of the effort i do on fishing, i'ld probably be somewhere by now. not to mention the hard work i do to actually enjoy my fishing; working for some spare money between two jobs, there's the dragging of an 18 ft or so cast net out to the waters edge and throwing it a couple of dozen times to find a prawn in each one. theres also the late nights and the freezing cold as well the loss of morale on days when it's dead slow...

no doubt, i've realized that without the work there can be no real success but motivation to keep going is usually lost when it comes to things like studying for me. i question many times whether i'm creating the right path for myself and still can't figure out what else that appeals to me more than fishing. how much it hurt to loose my first thready on somewhat piss weak gear and comparable experience. gaining from this experience, i learnt that another thing lost is another thing gained and from a week of forum scouting to upgrading the gear, and between the efforts of throwing the same lure over and over again at the same spot and finally landing the bastard, i had caught my first thready. i was actually happy for once knowing that from all my efforts, i had gained something.

------->
these days, it all seems to be too much work for not much play. 30+ hours a week to pay off a few bills and save up for future bills just really doesn't seem worth it. mum reckons the work i do is consuming me, but even though i know she understands that i do it for her and the little sister, i don't think she knows that i have to do it. i sometimes hate being 'the guy that works so hard' especially when people start getting it confused with 'the guy that works so much'. i hate putting so much time and effort into surviving where efforts of barely scraping is usually the result.

two jobs to 'just' get me by. one which covers my clothes drenched in what only bleach can remove and the other, well pretty much the same. i hate being the one that does so much sacrificing both physically and emotionally and have no acknowledgment of appreciation; it sure as sh*t does feel that way though. its just so hard to stay positive when you put so much effort in filling a bucket with soo many holes. i'm doing it though, barely.

as lonely as the single gold fish left in the large dark waters of my fish tank, i am without doubt too similar. must i actually find those who really do love me for who i am, or will they come to me?

i hate loving too much for those who matter, am i an idiot?

he likes being sad...

sometimes its hard to to be harsh.....

but how will they ever learn?

i finally did it!

It was only after driving around the valley at 11 o'clock one night which made me realize that there is so much more to life than i had recently once thought.

As lonely as it sounds, I've enjoyed a few by-myself nights particularly on the water with rod in hand to ponder about the many things which have been on my mind, and to see if i couldn't snag a feed for the tummy. I actually learnt something new about myself during one session over at fishermens island a few weeks back.

The drive to the mullet hole to grab some bait proved to be much longer than usual which probably had to do with not conversing with anyone on the way there. Nonetheless, once reaching the bait hole, the cast net was hauled through the park to a spot you'ld probably have fun imagining what could happen to you out there.

It wasn't uncommon to think an axe murderer was around with every shake of bush or rattling of metal but going this far, it was either a chance of dying or catching bait for a feed. As you probably would of guessed, I was stupid. From the 10 or so casts of the 20ft,- 3 prawns, 3 mullet and 2 herring were up for a trade for something hopefully bigger. Lactic acid built up everywhere particularly located on my lower back and arms, but the second or so of rest while sitting in the car allowed me to regain everything that I had lost, I mean, I've actually got a chance of hitting something big at the port for once.

Again, the speakers this time though were blarring out much of the rnb mp3 data disk that I had burnt but still, it was a quiet ride to the port. I unloaded my gear, bucket in one hand, two rods in the other and a bag, drapped over my shoulder full of tackle, I was actually surprised that I was that determined to fish that night.

So after setting up my gear, I sat and waited, and ran thoughts through my head. I actually thought about my dad for once and wondered where he was and what he was up to. It's actually kind of ironic me fishing by my lone self considering the many times I had denied going with him back in the day. But as I slowly ran out of things which made me remember the good things about him, I slowly pushed the thought to the back of my mind, with the bad things flowing.

I instantly started to think about how much I loved my mum but was interrupted by a slight jerk in the rod tip which ended up being just the current. Returning to the conversation with myself, I thought a little bit of the dramas that seemed to be occurring around me but they somehow seemed to be swept by with thoughts of the people who actually matter which coincidentally, are those whom I actually matter to.

I apologized a few times to myself and a few other people that night and learnt that no matter how sincere and honest your apology is, there will always be those who understand and those who just understand that its just another word. It's really strange how those that do understand know that an apology isn't just for them but also the person saying it. I apologized to myself for being so harsh when things weren't necessary and being so soft with things that bothered me.

I thought of how stupid little things could make people act so little but realized that it seems some people just need drama in their lives, I love it.

I feel like I'm learning more and more about myself as I sit alone to talk to my mind, there's only so much you can talk to a friend about but then again, the fellas that listened to me could probably say there isn't.

I feel like I've grown......To be continued.

7 lectures, 22 hours remaining....21.59, 21.58, 21.57

"Heal Over" - KT Tunstall

It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realise
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady

Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday

in the five minutes or so that i have to rest my eyes and grab a drink, and go to the toilet, i've decided to come here. i've decided to give my ears a rest (not that they needed any) and have mr mraz blaring calmly through them (see what i did there?).

as you would of guessed it by now, i am once again on the mission of exam preparation in which the word preparation is used correctly for once. to have any chance of passing my exams at the start of the following week i've actually put my head down and done some decent study. i've been 'forced' although very very un-forcefully (it was more to prove a point) to start playing facebook farmville. with the waiting between planting the seeds and harvesting the fruit, i've been at my books in between, a fair bit actually.

the final two lectures needed to be studied for pharmacotherapys' mid semester doesn't seem too bad. respiratory infections along with a few infections associated with genitalia does in fact prove to be quite interesting, the associated pictures make it a lot more interesting as well.

pharmacogenomics is definitely another story however. i just can't wait to study them; much much sarcasm intended.

other than pharmacy on my mind, all that i can think of is fishing. i actually can't believe how determined i am with studying tonight. my only free night for the week, i've decided to not hit the river and throw a few in but hit the books. how motivating ay.

...people lined the platforms side by side, shoulder to shoulder and filled the smokey air with noises of laughter and voices combining with the sounds of machines just about to start. the computer generated voice over the intercom buzzing, 'the train will be ready to board in 2 minutes' created an immediate panic from all people around. showbags and toys of all sorts gathered and held as people stood up to have some standing chance of a seat on the train.

myself, i was the maniac whom had forgotten all else but to hold on to the amounts of soft plushies i had won and to run for dear life in hope to not miss the train. hearing the computer lady though gave me a feeling comparable to starting a busting piss, relief. as maniac calmed to just being sane i caught a glimpse of what i thought was only fantasy.

her long black hair; similar, her recognizable figure; similar, that top i remember her wearing, all similar, but uncertain with her back towards me. all day she had been on my mind, every second of every minute and every minute of every hour which never really felt much to me but in an instant of insanity she was there, probably, most likely. uncertainty lead to false hopes all day thinking that i'ld bump into her on one of the busiest days of the year, i probably had a better shot at lotto.

but this time it felt different. i had seen her alot at school and whenever i did i shat butterflies. i felt butterflies fluttering inside me and once i noticed it, she was the only other thing i paid attention to. time seemed to slow, slow enough for me to run up and touch her hair and then run back. no noise now was heard other than a repetitive duff duff from underneath me which got louder as the seconds past by...

So in an attempt to get things started, i went through a few of my old lists to find that i had never crossed out clean out the sunroom. it was mainly because i wanted to turn it into a study but because everyones got a room for themselves it wasn't really something anyone 'needed'.

i got the idea from phuccie when he said he would put in a jar a list of things he wanted to buy and in another jar a few bucks every week and would only buy what he could afford on the list with the money he had saved. my jar contains to do things which can be recycled to help occupy myself during times of 'free time'. things from do an hour of study to calling a friend for a chat and one off things such as paint the car can be picked. alright, it was something i did when i should of been studying, hopefully it helps.


molo and i hit up the brissie river in hope for a catch of a school jew for the table but instead hooked this 5 of so kilo ray which dragged me half way across the park to land him. he tasted awesome in a vietnamese vermicilli wrap. (take only what you need).

i sorted out my finances as i was so confused as to where all my money went. hopefully the pig, oversized diet coke can and random tin can will help hold my monies.

la la la la, that is when i, ruled the world.

i've been in a real strange mood these past couple of days i'ld have to admit. i think it's mostly got to do with finding out that i'm turning into an old bastard. i had a good old mate of mine give me an invitation to his 21st a couple of weeks back and only just realized that i wasn't able to take work off for it. to compensate, i flicked through a few of my old photo albums to put something together for him; to remember of the good old days.

pictures of the much younger ly, no facial hair (still as handsome though i'ld have to add) reminded me of memories i'ld give anything to re-live. asking the kind lady at the tuckshop for an icy-pole that cost 20 cents and a bottle of cola for a dollar was probably the first thing that i had thought of. change no doubt is inevitable and i just couldn't imagine how it'd be today knowing that that icy-pole probably costs a dollar and cola bought out by coke now, was probably banned due to the newly discovered health implications it caused to young kids.

why i have never agreed so much with the phrase 'ignorance is bliss'. i reckon the best thing about being a kid is ignorance; you just never have to really worry about anything because you don't know any better. flicking through the photos and finding the ones of the trip to Vietnam when we were yay high reminded me of just how it felt being around family. with grandma sailing away into the horizon, if i were to regret something in my life, it would be that i never got to say good bye to her; i really wonder how i would of felt if it were only a few years back.

i've been reminiscing a little with a few of the guys lately which is probably a reason for this little change in ly. story telling of the many little stories of my happenings seems to entertain the few that listen but like i told them, it's not about the story which makes it entertaining, it's how you tell it. knowing that i'ld probably be able to write a book with all the stories i've got (and exaggerated, made up), it also struck a thought that maybe being older gives me more opportunity to find more stories to tell. taking from the books of phuccie; even a holiday without a story isn't really a holiday we reckon.

on finishing the little project for my mate, i decided that it was time to get back on track. i sorted out my finances and hopefully this sudden motivation will help me restart the path to completing that life list i always talk of,.......the reason for this thing.

it's great to wake up to the little rays of morning sunlight which burns the little hairs on your face. today i was actually looking forward to doing nothing. mind you, i prepared for my monday lecture by sleeping early and printing out notes until i found out that there was no lecture on.

instead of stumbling around like usual, my head felt clear and refreshed; the 8 or so hours of sleep seemed sufficient (even though 8 seems a little bit too much for my liking). i grabbed a feed and decided to educate my cultural side by watching a few movies molo had lent me.

after finishing 7 pounds which was definately as buzzy as everyone was making it out to be, it seemed as though the little annoying birds outside just wouldn't shut-up. but in an instant of thinking that, i was suprised how i actually noticed them. all the chirping and sounds of wings flapping along with the tunes of insects buzzing filled the air. spring indeed seemed to have come early and for just once, (well in a long time anyways) i listened to the sounds of the outside.

on the verandah i stood looking out towards the tree branches from which the sounds were coming from. the backdrop of the browned paddock grass and the sun just setting seemed to relax me. as i approached the stairs the sound of cola's tail hitting the metal wall stopped me. upside down she lay with four legs in the air, she wiggled her body side to side, something she usually did on her own when her dog dreams had finally ceased. her saggy lips drawn down by gravity showed her teeth and as i slowly sat down beside her, she licked me. the warmth of her sun bathed body and the floor boards felt under me represented much of what winter usually means to me.

as it sat there lost within the dark orangy tinge of the sun setting slightly, hands wet from doggy germs and smelling of an unbrushed mouth of many months, the instant smell of freshly cut grass brought me back. what i found a little strange was that it did not bring me to any memories of the past, nostalgia as people would describe it. it seemed as though i'm passed it now where the appreciation of what i have now seems to be what's keeping me smiling today.

i definately cannot say that the past is forgotten, no-one can, but to get to the point where you can appreciate that the past, is no more than the past than well, i guess life only just starts to begin. (unless your that lucky bastard where the past has not left you, yet).

staring at the poster i bought 3 years ago in nzed, lost within it's orangy tinge of sun setting slightly, i no longer reminisc of the time i was so eager, so motivated, so determined-

"it is not the position in which you stand, but the direction in which you look."

it's finally come to the stage where i no longer feel young being 21. it's a little funny how you can see yourself evolve, especially when you try and keep old habits updated while learning new ones.